A Blog about the book called Goner: The Final Travels of UG Krishnamurti

     I recently completed a book called Goner: The Final Travels of UG Krishnamurti , a self explanatory title available now from Non-Duality Press website. It represents my encounter with one of the most unique and elusive figures outside of any school of thought. Without the help of a brilliant editor by the name of Anirban Asarma, this would have been completely impossible.

     I met UG Krishnamurti after a long, fruitful and in the end, frustrating association with the teachings of Jiddu Krishnamurti. Given UG’s history with JK, my background obsession with the teachings of JK may have helped me to stay with him. While I could never find a way to fit him into any school of thought or ideology, least of all that of JK, there was something in the teachings of JK that UG resolved for me just from reading one of his books before I even met him in person. At first it was the limits of JK’s teaching that he pointed out, then it was the unexpected direction my life took which drew me more and more to UG. It is my conviction that what UG discovered, outside and beyond his expectations, stood completely and totally on its own.

     After UG died I spent a lot of time researching his background as I wrote my book about him. I read The Gospel of Ramakrishna again, dialogues of Ramana Maharshi, the Nisargadatta books edited by Jean Dunne, some of the key Upanishads recommended by friends with extensive knowledge of the originals, and other Hindu texts in order to grasp something of the background of UG’s upbringing as Hindu and a Theosophist. Some of these people he met, some he had associations with. Since he expressed a passing admiration for it once, I read the Gospel of St Thomas. Lastly and most lately I was shown a fantastic translation of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras which I copied out as I read.

     It was only of late, via conversation with another good friend of UG’s, that it hit me that while these books may provide some useful information, ultimately they are more rubbish to clear if you want to find out anything on your own. This same friend reminded me that UG was attempting in his way of interacting with those around him to slow down the incessant machinery of information gathering in order to allow the body to function on it’s own resources. I think he was right.

     UG lived something uniquely and distinctly different from what I have seen or experienced in the search in the spiritual arena. He stood completely outside the marketplace, never once charging money for a person to come and see him. He gave himself to his friends 24/7 as it were, unrelentingly pointing out the futility of teaching anyone anything. Still, he was all the time pushing each one of us into a corner where we would be forced to make our own discoveries. This is a hard row to hoe, yet in the end the most compassionate one imaginable. It was a thankless task and he was not in the least invested in the outcome. These things strike me repeatedly and each time a little more deeply, as I look back at the total generosity UG showed every person who had a sincere interest in him.

     My intellectual confusion upon meeting him was brushed aside by the distinct quality of his presence. I felt compelled to stay with him as much and as often as possible in order to absorb  and bear witness to what his life was like. It seemed to me that his life itself was a teaching that could never be contained in books, videotape or audiotape. Even so, a little of it seeps through all of these. When he saw me making notes around him, he forced me to read what I’d written out loud. He encouraged my efforts to convey what I saw in book form. These are two things that would have been unimaginable to me before I met him. He shared access to the most intimate moments of his day for weeks and months at a time while I was supposed to be nursing him. Truth is, I felt like I’d stumbled into the den of a wild animal more human than any other person I’ve met who trusted me enough to carry on as if I were not there.

     I have given the autobiographical details of my story strictly for the purpose of illustrating and exposing my prejudices. It’s embarrassing to expose one’s personal life but immaterial if it helps to deflate any claims of authority about something I know nothing about.

In his tiny basement apartment in Gstaad.

UG met friends early in the morning in his apartment during summer months.

     The purpose of this blog is to answer any questions that may arise about the book or UG’s daily life or movements. I am not interested in interpreting what he meant by what he said. I am in no position to speak to what UG may have meant by anything. What I can do is speak about my personal experiences around him. For that I have set up this site. I am not interested in discussing anything else here.

Louis Brawley

September 26, 2011

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223 Responses to A Blog about the book called Goner: The Final Travels of UG Krishnamurti

  1. ansjanet says:

    Looking forward to reading the posts about personal experiences which draw me more than anything else I’ve read about UG. Hope sales are fantastic and you continue to write (about UG or anything else).
    Janet

    • louisbrawley says:

      I think the only way to sustain a discussion that does not divert into the usual time wasting is to talk about something I saw rather than what I think about it. A friend has been pointing out that what he was trying to do all the time was slow down this ‘information gathering machinery’, the impulse to ‘explain and justify something that needs neither. I read too many books after UG died trying to find parallels and compare him to other people. He was warning about that all the time but I am a little thick headed. If I start holding forth about what he was saying I’m just an another asshole. I want to talk about how UG affected me and what I saw. Its a distortion, but even so, maybe something will come through that. Thanks

      • Rama Mohan says:

        Did UG imply at any time that it is necessary for one to cherish being a natural human being or that one sshould look at the misery of living and come out of it.

  2. Burra Gopi says:

    i lovd it Louis4sure..Sincere is the word used by you which i like…with out that there is nothing in so called spirituality……

    • louisbrawley says:

      yes Gopi, and I’m sure that UG was right, “Spirit means breath, that is the latin definition of the word. NOthing more sir!” Of course I wouldn’t know either, but he had a way with words.

  3. Narendra Raj says:

    this blog is brilliant !

    • louisbrawley says:

      I’m not sure what’s brilliant about it except that it’s about UG. ! Hah! I love that I have to ‘approve’ comments before they can appear here. What nonsense! On the other hand I am totally uninterested in ‘discussing’ UG’s ideas, since he had none. Just wanted to talk about what I saw there. Thanks Narendra

      • Georgiy Potulov says:

        I have a question for you, it would be nice if I can message ya so I don’t get too off topic, I was wandering what you think on the news of this guy nicknamed ” the bear” who happen to eat 337 chicken wings in 30 minutes. The guy looked like a great really really healthy fella in his late 20’s who looked that of a toned body builder. Didn’t U.G. say that fat eats fat and the body does not need to eat too much, and if we are eating for the pleasure of eating, the body would reject it and therefore shouldn’t it make him look somewhat fat and unhealthy? What are the rules and exceptions in that? Can you clarify this, or do you have any thing else on U.G.’s way of looking at food?

      • Georgiy Potulov says:

        Oops! Error alert.. The guy who I mentioned to be the muscular toned guy that’s nicknamed “The bear” ate 247 wings in 30 minutes, but this really skinny japanese guy this year ate 337 wings in 30 minutes! And they both look so healthy! What am I missing here? It seems U.G.’s outlook on this seemed a bit different but he would of said that the body needs very little food to survive, and everything else it rejects. Shouldn’t it make them more unhealthy for overeating all the time? Because they are still getting a high off of this I take it, on top of it lots of money! Doesn’t that obviously break U.G.’s outlook on it? If you can help, that would be great! I enjoy the flow of your writing and you have some great things to share!

  4. Alessandro Vaccari says:

    Hi. Interesting blog on a quite uncommon argument here in Italy. I discovered UG Krishnamurti ( a book by him) some years ago and my first reaction has been very depressive. I’m ( should be) a professional musician who believed in art, music and relationship with the spiritual matter. After “my” calamity – the discover of UG – I began to develop different opinions about it. Art? No, just tecnique. Spirituality and expression? Only entertainment. Artists? Egomaniacs! His impact on me has been quite negative, but I strongly agree with his statements, because I know artists, vanity, desire of success… A life in art business is better than an occupation as worker ( 8, 10, 12 hours a day in a factory or in an office! What a slavery…), but what inspires this purpose? My answer at the moment is interest in beauty, with no final aim maybe, like games, like the simple life. I have a final question ( hope to be pertinent). How UG Krishnamurti made a living?
    Kind Greetings

    Alessandro Vaccari

    • louisbrawley says:

      Allessandro, As artist I was so invested in my self image as an artist it got in the way of simply making art. It has taken me a long time to realize that this is merely a talent and if one is good at it it will provide a living. To expect to be praised for it is egotism. We are encouraged to be egotists rather than simply do our job and leave it at that. If someone had a real talent UG encouraged them with all the support you can imagine. To read him in books and imagine that you have ‘understood’ is very misleading. I don’t say that from a position of knowing more than you but that it is dangerous to come to any conclusion using your head. He was all the time trying to throw a monkey wrench into my thinking so my body could function normally, sanely intelligently. This is quite the opposite of my thinking which is too often simply self serving and a waste of energy. Thinking is fine in it’s place.

    • louisbrawley says:

      Allesandro, as I re-read your entry I realize I never answered your question about how UG made a living. He was quite open about his cash flow situation, so much so that it left most of us in a state of total or near total confusion. There was a woman named Valentine who met UG in 1960 or thereabouts, just as he was about to return to India and throw himself at the mercy of his penniless situation. She offered to help him stay on in Europe and literally turned her entire life and assets over to him. She liquidated her properties at his suggestion and the two became traveling companions for the next 28 years. UG never hid this fact, saying at times, to people around him, “I don’t know why she puts up with me.” at other times, “For me to live with anyone is not a problem, but to live with me would be horrible.” Indeed, they fought a lot. Valentine was Swiss and very meticulous about money. She had a modest pension and the two lived in simple quarters, rental apartments around Switzerland and other places they traveled in Europe while she was writing his biography. UG was not one to pinch pennies, yet he lived an extremely simple life. After five years of her efforts to write his story he tore the book up and threw it into the fire. She was devastated. In any event, UG made no secret of this arrangement, and when she became infirm he set up a situation for her to live in India with a friend’s family who loved and cared for her until she died. People have speculated that there was some sexual relationship during the initial friendship, but from what I’ve gathered about UG this seems an unlikely scenario. After Valentine’s death people started giving UG money for rent and travel expenses. Until the end of his life the account he had access to was named “Funds For the Travel of UG Krishnamurti”. It was not a personal account, even though he was the only one who drew from the account. The bankers at Credit Suisse repeatedly tried to get him to put it in his name but he never did. After Valentine died, as far as I could make out UG’s moneys came from donations from friends. If you want to think about what it means to have a job, UG was as hard working as anyone I’ve ever met. He made himself available to people wherever he went from dawn to dusk. In the final years he made much of his ‘birthday monies’, cash gifts to him from friends around the world anywhere from $100 to $2,000. People pressed money on him everywhere, yet he lived in simple, sometimes shabby rental quarters to the very end. He had so few needs and enough friends were eager to host and fund him that he made it a mission in his last years to distribute the remaining money in his accounts to “Indian Girls Born in America to Native born Indian Parents” or something like that. Well, I could go on, but that’s probably enough for now.

  5. Dr. swamy. says:

    “What else we could do other than writing a book on him and discuss endlessly on and about him…?”

    • louisbrawley says:

      Yes, Dr. Swamy, there is nothing more interesting to me than what I saw there. It seems to go on in it’s own way in the sense that once I encountered him there was nothing else as sure and true in my life. That seems to be something inside myself i recognize. Without saying “I am like UG.” , i felt he was like me in some fundamental way by being a human animal, but one who’d got free of the kinds of worries I had. That made me wonder if it wasn’t possible to be like him, which immediately threw me off track. I have been searching outside while not realizing that’s what I am doing. Reading all the sacred texts, looking for ‘someone else from the west’ who was ‘like’ UG were all mistakes. I’m lucky I didn’t go too far into that mire of crap. It’s such an easy thing to fool myself.

  6. Janet brown says:

    You mentioned in the book that being with him was a meditation in its own, that mystical things happened around him but that nonody talked about it much. Have you experienced any of these kinds of things since he died?
    JANET

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hi Janet, These mystical things are like scoring some point that implies I am somehow special if something like that happened to me. He never tired of repeating that anything I can recognize on any level is misleading and there is a danger that I will twist it into a little power play with myself. What ever UG was is operating on me so far beyond what I can understand that to discuss or give importance to that stuff is totally misleading. Around him I didn’t even notice the quality of his presence at times until I walked out of the room and things were different. He just seemed so ordinary, natural, almost invisible, that while you were with him you wouldn’t even notice it. That to me was one of the most convincing things about him. Thanks for asking me that Janet. It preoccupies me sometimes.

      • Janet Brown says:

        Hmmm, Louis. Just now wondering if assigning conclusions about what it doesn’t mean is the same as the conclusions about the meaning itself.

        That being ordinary and extraordinary occurs on the same scale.

        Trying hard to play by the rules … about keeping to the accounting of personal experience. Just wondered if those “weird” things still happened now that his body is outofhere.

        Janet

      • Janet Brown says:

        Cool, the moderator has left the building…

  7. Branko says:

    Wow, thanks Louis… It is important to share your experiences in this way. I believe that U.G. is going to attract a larger audience than when he was alive. Although, his teachings will never be “huge” because of how confronting they are. Real statements are never popular.

    Its so great that he encouraged peoples real talents. It is a “path” in itself to follow your own talent/thread and cut out all bullshit that gets in the way of genuine expression in music, writing, etc.
    I get the impression that the only Guru U.G really cared for truly was Anandamayi Ma.
    I discovered her by reading u.g.’s swan song… I find it curious that he mentions her ?

    I must definitely get the book.
    This is awesome stuff Louis.
    I value your genuine and sincere writing.
    Cheers
    Branko

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hi Branko, thank you for the reply. UG did express an admiration for Anandamai, but he was also a victorian. A friend met her and told her what UG said about not needing to do any spiritual practice. Her reply according to that person was, “He is on top of the mountain. You are still on your way up.” UG’s immediate reply to this was, “I am standing right here next to you on the ground!” He meant what he said. He also pointed out the biological nature of her ‘calamity’. He always pointed out that when what ever happened to her happened to her, her menstrual cycles stopped. There is no practice that will lead to that. UG was unique in his total dismissal of practice. He had the authority to talk that way.

  8. amit says:

    St.Louis you rock man!!

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hi Amit,
      St Louis is a sugar brand UG used to force feed me because I was so bitter.
      Still, I must give thanks for your encouraging words!

      Louis Bastard

    • amit says:

      St.Louis when I heard JK’s talk with great concentration I find that JK and UG are almost quoting the same thing but may be in different manner. The only difference I see is UG goes even one step further and even contradicts to what he himself is saying. You should watch movie Siddhartha which is a story of Indian Brahmin who spends his entire life in seeking enlightenment and at last gets what he want. If not entire movie you should atleast watch its end. Siddhartha will for sure make you remind about a enigma called UG when Siddhartha says, “Govinda, the trouble with goals is that one become obsessed with goals. When you say you are seeking it means there is something to find, but the real freedom is realization that there are no goals…” and at the very end Govinda says ,”Tell me something Siddharhta. My path is so hard” and Siddhartha answers what UG also would have said “Stop searching.”
      Here is the link if you want to watch the end:

      This movie is based on Herman Hesse famous novel Siddhartha. It will surely remind you of UG.,
      Thanks,
      Amit

      • louisbrawley says:

        Thank you for your response Amit. Unfortunately or fortunately as the case may be I do not see this the same way you do. For me JK was essentially a teacher, a wordsmith is what UG used to call him. He was certainly using the same words, and even some of the same phrases, but the source was not the same. When I saw JK I was really impressed, there is no doubt about it. He changed my life. When I met UG he reached in and changed things I knew nothing about. UG said he used the same phrases as JK, “We had the same teachers sir!” he used to say. But having studied both men closely, the lives lived were quite different. This was essential for me to witness. For UG words were secondary, he said so himself, and he lived like that. JK fought copyright wars over the control of his ‘teachings’. UG gave away everything he had and said for free, claiming no authorship for words already floating around out there. For me, there was a profound difference even in the reading of UG’s words, yet I will be forever grateful to JK for the preparation work. I am convinced that he made spending time with UG possible for me. Only when I stayed with UG did I see the difference between all the words and a living impact. That life operating at a totally functional level was the key for me. Thank you sir.

      • amit says:

        St.Louis,
        Thank you for your reply. Definitely you might be knowing both these men’s well than me as you spent some part of your life with them. Anyways I just wanted to share a video with you which reminds me of a man called “UG”. Did you had a chance to look at the video? Let me know if it reminds you of UG,
        Thank you,
        Amit

  9. your writing is quite brilliant. what found most interesting about your book, and i had never had the scene of before, was when you write about when UG was sick, and you were alone with him, and he wasn’t”” being UG””. like you, i found out about UG through reading about JK, but never meet him. its only since doing this comic book about him, and meeting his friends, that i regret this somewhat, as i was in india when he was alive, so, if i had been inclined, im sure i could have. at the time it seemed like a silly thing to go see someone who said there was nothing to be gained by going to see him, and ive always had a slight aversion to spiritual communities ect.., but, for sure, after reading goner, i thought it would have been great to see him in the flesh. doing the comic, ive been immersed in UG full time, 12 hours a day, for the last year or so at least. his life is very interesting in so many ways. i sometimes wonder if its had any effect on me. i was on a long bus ride today, and i listened to a lecture ram dass gave in the 80’s. before, i may have been impressed by it, but today it seemed like, well, the barking of a dog! one other thing that stuck me, and i wanted to ask you (and maybe it will be question you have no interest in answering), is that i got the impression that those last years of UGs life, he seemed to want to help people destroy any fixed concepts they had built up of him, in the same way that he had gotten JK finally out of his system in the late 60’s. from your observations, do you think this is the case? anyhow, thanks for the book, its the book i recommend to people if they want to read about UG, and thanks for this blog. (i hate that word!)

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hi Nic, you have put it simply and thats what he was up to for sure. as he put it, my first sentence is negated by the second and so on… the whole point is to shove us on our own two feet. he said it over and over, but the complexity of being a personality has a thousand thousand ways of confusing the point.
      i am always reviewing and reviewing and rehashing and it comes to that simple point over and over. he wasn’t the epicenter, he was some kind of conduit, and all my manky little words dont add up to shit if they lead to understandings about what `i saw because it was a feeling, an all emcompassing feeling of something i still can’t describe. So, don’t worry, he is affecting you, dont you worry about that.`it makes me laugh that you even ask when you are spending 12 hours a day on this book. `That very thing we dont know is there when we take an interest, of that i’m convinced. i read ramakrishna over and over , never met him and yet in some ways there is a sensation of his being so connected with the same thing UG was …. and i will never know how or what or why.. and it doesnt matter. i’m so glad you are doing the book. and thanks for recommending mine. i sent you a message on facebook but i’m never sure how that thing works. there is already one store in NYC that will take the barking dog book once you are done. so keep me updated. thanks Nic.

  10. kalpesh chauhan says:

    Hi

    There is some magic in this man UG you once start reading him, you are gone, totally gone and UG calamity flows with you were ever you go

    I can only say” I Love you UG” thanks for everything, although I have not met you but you are in my heart

    Also if anyone books and video of UG please share with mobile 09825565550( india)

  11. Catherine says:

    Louis, I want to thank you for writing such a compelling book! I am one of those people who never met UG in person, but accidently stumbled over him on Youtube, and it resulted in a profound impact. As you mentioned, UG’s effect seems to reach people even after his death, through his words, those of others, and video. What still has me perplexed is the fact that I was able to pick up on this, through a video, before I knew anything at all about UG. On one hand I was telling myself that there was some serious “juice” flowing in the room in the video, but on the other hand I was telling myself I was probably mistaken, that I was just falling for charisma. I couldn’t have been more surprised when my first instinct turned out to be correct!

    I felt I got the most out of reading others’ accounts of UG at first, like that was the best way to kind of “feel” what he was about, so it was interesting to hear you talk about a little of UG seeping through the words, the video, the descriptions. And he’s still knocking around in my head from time to time, his words very audible in my brain in certain situations. It’s hard to tell people, “sorry, I can’t discuss enlightenment, see there’s this little Indian man in my head who starts swearing at me…”

    I could write many, many more paragraphs, I’m sure! The intellectual part of my brain wants to find out more, to “figure out” and unwind this mystery called UG, but I know to some degree that’s futile. Sigh.

    @Janet – I’ve enjoyed some of your observations! Especially where you are wondering that “assigning conclusions about what it doesn’t mean” could be the same as “the conclusions about the meaning itself.” I do think you’re on to something there. To me, ultimately UG is best left as a feeling, a felt sense that one cannot quite put words to. As soon as you start to discuss him, to try to put it to words, it’s never quite “it”, which can lead to writing more and more in an attempt to explain him, and then you have to explain why it doesn’t quite explain him, and you just go on and on. Like I’m doing here. Plus whenever I write about UG to people who have met him, I find myself really censoring myself: “I can’t use the “m” word. I can’t use the “e” word. I shouldn’t say this…” And that doesn’t feel quite right either, it puts you in as much of a box as when you are trying to make comparisons and fit UG into your own frame.

    I think UG is best when you just let him sink into you, it seems he was kind of like life through osmosis. Thank you Louis, for expressing your experience so well, and giving the rest of us a glimpse into nothingness. Happy travels to you, and if you write another book about UG, you will have a return customer!

    • louisbrawley says:

      thank you for your comments catherine. `i am always so pleased when someone has read the book since i` feel like he encouraged me so much its not really mine, more a tribute to him, a way of keeping him by my side, biting, beating and kicking me like he did. you are absolutely right that there is an effect, but we will never know how or why. `i spend hours on this one, and in the end `i know nothing more or less.. but it’s so beautiful to have seen him that sharing it with others, my garbled little mess, is my do-gooders high. and i plan to keep at it … thank you

    • Janet Brown says:

      @Catherine…thank you.

  12. Pingback: Goner « Eccentric UG

  13. sulochanosho says:

    No sentiment, but daily life simple and straight account of the encounter with UG in unconvincing and no mincing words – that too in the backdrop of his (Louis) own ‘perceiving or seeing’ there and now is indeed a ‘fresh fragrance’ of this book, ‘Goner’. It’s a rare brand and kind of ‘no spirituality’ first hand encounter book, so to say. No churning out of the same good old story here in this book.

  14. IS ‘GONER’ AVAILABE IN INDIA?

  15. shobha says:

    Haven’t read your book. But have read the mention of your name in several of U.G’s other books.
    You have been so fortunate to have spent a great amount of time in Close Proximity with this Great Man called U.G. I have read all the books available on net about U.G , currently reading Mukunda Rao’s latest. Been hooked to U.G for more than 6 months. In the end, nothing I understand clearly .
    No philosophy and no clear way or approach to follow. But still something about this man attracts you greatly and there is some change in me that I cannot explain neither I myself understand completely.

    Great to be in touch with you Louis. It would be very interesting to know about your personal experiences with U.G.

    • louisbrawley says:

      Thanks Shoba,
      Are you Narendra’s sister? I remember visiting Narendra’s apartment with UG in New Jersey. He would always visit people’s homes. I remember a family in Bangalore who hosted numerous religious people over the years in their homes. They were requested to provide special diets, make elaborate preparations, upending their lives for the honor. UG came unannounced to the house with friends and walked up the stairs to meet the father who had trouble with his legs. He spent some time with them, walking through the house and having a meal with us all. They were so moved by his consideration and easy company, nothing like what they’d experienced with the ‘holy men’ who made all sorts of demands on them. That’s what UG was like. He didn’t chase people down for donations. I remember watching him chase down a young man to give him money. I was with him at the Bangalore airport where he waited patiently to make sure all his friends had safely deplaned in the middle of the night. His generosity was easy and natural. I gave him money at times until I couldn’t afford to play that game with him. After his death I realized he’d given me a computer, a camera, a phone all worth far more than the amount of money I’d given him. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. People always ask me about money when the subject of UG comes up. He made it the topic of discussion endlessly in the last years of his life. He was not averse to taking money to survive, yet what he gave back was more than I can calculate. Well. I wanted to talk about UG’s way of life. Thank you for reminding me that that is more important than what I can say about his words, which were always addressed to the moment. What was left after that was something beautiful and hard to understand. He was right, it came from nowhere and went nowhere, like a unique song. I never tire of listening to that sound, that barking of the dog. Thanks, Louis

  16. shobha says:

    Louis,
    Iam not Narendra’s sister. Iam from Bangalore. Interesting to know about this particular incident.
    Just read about another incident in one of your replies where you carried around U.G on your shoulders. Who can say U.G is no more. He is very much live and kicking .

    Bumped into phenomenon called U.G at the end of last year . A quick read and i thought to myself, this man is crazy and what he says i cannot understand . Felt he is a very egoistic and arrogant man blasting all guru’s . Then stopped reading about him for few months and suddenly without any effort on my part after few months i started reading about him and just been hooked since then.

    Met Chandrasekhar and family in bangalore and visited U.G’s room.
    The various incidents mentioned in books tell me how affectionate a human being he was , though he went on blasting people vehemently . His simplicity and living like one among the nature is probably that brings him so close to all of us.

    shobha

  17. manoj says:

    First read UG,s books 12 years back. the effect was deep. it was as if a knife had been dug deep into the body. you sense that what he says is the real thing and it is as if the layers of accumulated beliefs,wisdom peeled off. Truth in its raw form,in this society will make you toss like a ship in the storm. you dont have a creeper to hold on…. i stopped reading ug and by some months i could find solace in my accumulated beliefs and i started to flow with aspirations of my religion, society knowing inside me that it was all man made systems meant to cage you, ensnare you for the better growth of this human invented logos.. after his death viewed some videos of him,his sound and speech are so crisp and clear and he speaks with such certainty. After ug i learned to give more respect and care to my body and to understand its needs. the body want to survive at any cost and it always give you signals if you understand it enough.

  18. U.G.And I

    Anyone interested to know what happened to me ?..

    My link with UG is very different from any of the Blogs I have read ; with him I had felt less alone

  19. Mar says:

    http://remembering-ug.blogspot.com/

    Remembering U. G. Krishnamurti: A collection of his Talks, Quotes, Audiobooks, Photos and Videos

  20. Ramachandran says:

    Hi Louis, Hope all well. Interesting to read first hand information. I like to touch base with you if your travel plan includes, Europe and or Asia. By the way, can you give me UG’s address in Vallecrosia, I love to visit that place, email me debacle9@gmail.com ….Namaste… Ramchandran.

    • louisbrawley says:

      Dear Ramachandaran, Thank you for your interest. I have no travel plans as of the moment. The address in Valliecrozia is no longer with me but I will try and locate it. That woman is extremely busy and I’m no longer in touch with her. Thanks..Louis

  21. Thanks for the E Mail; I did not know he liked Anandamai; I had the unexpected honour to be garlanded by her ! she asked for me while she was being bathed and at that time i did not know who she was . I had met her daughter at an art gallery in Bombay . .

    I was gifted with two track suits one of which was a gift from Chairman Mao’s friend .
    I wore it [ modeled for him it filled me . Got stares when I walked down H G Road in Bangalore, where coincidentally the Buddhists were also coming in the opposite direction ; Weird things happened to me before i came to know about him ..

    His brand of compassion was and is unique; mistake is people did not know what to take in the literal sense weed out the practiced cliches.” You throw a ball at me i throw it back at you as simple as that. For me he was important but I think music should be music . tasty food to be relished , metaphorically speaking that is important .

    Lokkur Vasanthi Rao founder Science And Philosophy Interface

    • louisbrawley says:

      Lokkur Vasanthi Rao thanks for the thanks. Just as a note, the Anandamai UG spoke of was a Bengali woman who was born in the end of last century. She died in 1981 or thereabouts and had no children. She in fact never had sex. Her period stopped happening when she went through some kind of bodily changes early in her life. She was an instance of someone apparently ‘spontaneously’ going into very high spiritual states. He spoke of her often because she was an example of the physical changes he always emphasized over the so called spiritual change which he denied.

      • I was the only casual visitor at Dr Yodh’s house in Bombay around 1970 when i was the only person to be garlanded by Anandamaima herself while she was being bathed …; to everybody’s surprise!!

        I have interacted with U G with whom I had rapport as i also said the same things based on personal experience .

        I want to stay connected with those who understood UG

  22. louisbrawley says:

    Forgive my arrogant comments. What a story. I hope you’ll share more. Thank you!

  23. Tys says:

    Thanks Louis

  24. Miguel says:

    HI, Louis, you were very lucky meeting U.G. Offfer your book to spanish editorials to be published, please.

  25. Anam Cara says:

    Hello Louis,
    wanted to let you know how much I am enjoying reading ‘Goners’ which I just received from NonDuality Press. I suppose I want to applaud that you didn’t fall into the intellectual trap … those very things UG was taking the piss out of, such as interpreting, forming rules…. It is so refreshing to encounter through your words (& willingness to be vulnerable) the pure being-ness of this figure. It has also released me in the sense that while I haven’t valued intellect for some years I was confused about the role of talking … most often I avoided it (which was probably a false silence in a way) but now I just don’t care and will crap on with the best of them knowing none of it makes any difference or is of any importance.

    with best wishes,
    Anam Cara

    • louisbrawley says:

      dear Anam, my apologies for not replying to your comment. I didn’t see that it was there. I’m not so frequent with my attention to this blog so thanks for writing. Like you, Ramakrishna blasted the ‘intellectual’ constantly, exactly the way UG did. “Why do you have to be a German all the time…!? ‘I am right! I am right!'” He was funny the way he spread the seeds of dissolution, so casually, with the language of the common man, nothing fancy yet perfectly calibrated to the situation. Amazing. Anyway I’m glad you are reading the book and hope you enjoy it. It is the most significant achievement of my life. When people ask me how sales are I realize that for me it is a success because of people like you who read it and are exposed to more of that raw power I witnessed. Take care, Louis

      • Anam Cara says:

        ha ha … yes you must instantly respond to my comment!!! I’m pleased you got to read of my enjoyment of yr long effort …writing, re-writing ….

        In my experience Louis few make any $ from books (unless you write sexy fiction) so as you suggest if there’s a few like me who are transported there through your account then how wonderful.

        So often I cringed with yr descriptions of UG’s attacks on ego for I recognised my own little monster striving for recognition, for favoured treatment … ha ha oh it’s such a thing isn’t it? You were indeed blessed in these years.
        I too had a little time with a teacher who also made me highly uncomfortable and never gave anything which might be reported … I remember times of pure hot sweats as fear arose in that presense so I could empathise a little with yr situation.

        Here … things just keep falling away … it’s hard to find interest in anything really (anything in this world that is) and I wonder how you are going now that time has allowed some of the effect to seep in and become what you (also) are?

        May this find all well there where you are

  26. Barry Evans says:

    Hi Louis,

    in the book you write a in a couple of places about your inability to explain to others about what was going on for you vis-a-vis your attraction, association or relationship with U.G. In those instances the others were folks who had no inclination towards or experience of wondering about who am ?I / what is this? kind of questions, as far as I can make out;

    Have you ever tried putting into words what seemed / seems to be apparent about the effects U.G. had / has upon you?

    Having just written that, now my question seems ridiculous; why bother trying to explain anything? it’s always going to be worthless, irrelevant, pointless; and yet it still could happen that you might find yourself enjoying a futile playfully silly attempt to encapsulate (for yourself or another) what it seemed / felt like he was doing to you, directly or indirectly, and still is perhaps….as is the case for me:

    It all seems so amazingly crazy; U.G. barks, (and bites), you bark about the barking and biting, I read your barking and whatever is made of that is made; and now in my world I’m a goner too;

    I’m out of control, and if this makes no sense at all, or is uninteresting, no problemo, it’s just a shot in the dark:

    Barry

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hi Barry, welcome to the world of the screwed, the fucked, the hopelessly mired. I think UG gave me the biggest gift by simply showing me that by writing I can show my appreciation of the humor and struggle we are all in whether we like it or not. Samuel Beckett once wrote, “Fail again, Fail better.” I love his writing.

      Thanks for writing me.

      I’m going to keep barking despite myself …

      Louis

  27. rrkbhat says:

    Hi Louis,
    I’m about to complete your Book: Goner. I find it really useful. Thank you so much. I look forward to more such writings from you.

    If a person till his death is unable to realize what UG says, what will happen to that person? Has UG indicated about it anywhere? What’s your understanding on this? Please reply, when you find time.

    RadKrish

    • louisbrawley says:

      Dear RadKrish,
      The closest he got to addressing what you are asking was to say, “Live in misery and die in misery.” My sense is that an interest in UG is so rare that this alone has some effect that cannot be measured. In my life I have found it has lightened the burden of my beliefs in such a way I do not fear my end the way I used to. Having written a book about the subject and trying to make it available, I am acutely aware of how few people are interested in the severity of UG’s message. His unwillingness to compromise and sell himself by softening what he had to say limits the audience. It also speaks to the truthfulness which if you are willing to face, can be most beneficial. You cannot share that with anyone, the way other benefits can be shared, so it seems often invisible.

      I’m happy you enjoyed the book. I am working on another one with photographs and writing. I don’t know how it will be available yet since there are so many pictures which makes it expensive to produce, but I will complete it and let you know…

      All the best,
      Louis

      • RadKrish says:

        Dear Louis,

        Thanks for your reply.

        I started my search to find out the ‘Purpose of Life’, 25 years back.

        One after another, I did spiritual shopping at these places / masters: ISKCON, Vedic Chanting, Ramana Mahrishi, JK, Osho, Art of Living, Poonja Ji and Jaggi Vasudev. And now I’ve landed at: UG.

        From the beginning of my search, the problem I face is, I’m unable to come to a conclusion from the teachings of the above spiritual Masters / Organizations. This equally applies to UG. But the difference with UG is, his words have given me courage to stand alone, even if I’m not sure about what he says.

        Now I feel:

        =====
        Truth may be there; or truth may not be there; or apart from these two possibilities, some other possibility may be there.

        I may come to know about it; or may not come to know about it; or some other possibility may be there.

        All I can say is, I don’t know.

        Will I ever come to know what is what? Again I can only say, I don’t know.
        =====

        I’m glad (?????) you’re also on the same boat. Why should I feel glad about it? To make myself clear, I can compare this situation to another. That is, when electricity goes in our house, the immediate urge of most people will be to come out and see whether our neighbor has electricity in his house. If he doesn’t have, we feel glad.

        After completing your book: Goner, I felt that I should share with you, what I feel.

        Let’s stay in touch.

        All the Best.

        RadKrish

      • louisbrawley says:

        Dear RadKrish,

        In the simplest of terms, not knowing is the place to be. Anything else is an invention of our collective mind. I look forward to hearing from you and am happy to have a ‘neighbor’ in the unknown neighborhood!

        all the best,

        Louis

  28. Bruce says:

    RadKrish – regarding ‘spiritual shopping’ .. something I read seems relevant to the subject:

    “It is understandable if many of you human beings of Earth are almost faint-hearted when you see and experience how abominably the real truth is treated and that through your religions, ideologies and philosophies, as well as through the esoterism, the sectarianism and the so-called spiritual science, walls are built up around the truth so that it is not open to you and you stumble in truth-unknowing confusion.

    And everything that they offer you in terms of all the irrational, confusing, false and far-from-the-truth teachings, you cannot really understand, because they are written in strange expressions and words as well as in academic sentences, with which you give yourselves airs and boast if you can name them, but in reality you understand them every bit as little as those who write, teach and spread the whole drivel of the false teachings.

    And truly, you believers in a godhead, in a tin god or a demon, in angels and saints, in gurus, masters, sublime ones, emissaries of gods and self-appointed gods or representatives of gods, you are tumbling like drunkards through your life and from one belief-delusion to another, in doing so you are one-sided, unfree and unsure in yourselves, because you have been led astray from the simple way of the truth, on the one hand through the blame of all those who deceive you to the untruth and to belief, and on the other hand through your own guilt, because you only want to think about a belief rather than turn consciously to the truth, because you eschew the bearing of the responsibility that is connected with the real truth of all truth.”

  29. Manoj Kodiyan says:

    Hi Louis,
    It was great reading your book on UG. Having started of on UG on the net around 2003 , it is only now that he is operating pretty madly in my life now. I cant conceive of anything else now. I regret more than anything else not having understood the gist of what he saying until after he passed away otherwise i would have turned heaven and earth to be in front of him. And when i did do something like write a letter to him addressed to a PO BOX in gastaad it was in feb of 2007 a month before he passed away. It was so easy to write unabashedly the deepest of my problems which i beieve with his grace slowly and surely resolved now. Somewhere in Mahesh’s book a taste of life he mentioned burning Letters of gold he received from all over the world which he burned just before he passed away, it made me just sit and cry. I have never seen a more compassionate human being in my life nor do i expect to see one like him. We are just lucky that such a man lived in our midst bringing to an end the misery of seeking which has just made us all paranoid.Now we just see the holy hookers the way they are :)
    There were times i tossed the book over a few times against the wall in sheer frustration of not having met UG. The account you give of living in close proximity of UG just gives everyone a invaluable insight of how this unparalleled sage worked. I just wish someone produced a documentary or movie on his life..

    • louisbrawley says:

      Don’t worry Monaj, a young American filmmaker called Matthew Dougherty has been working tirelessly for the past three years on a documentary of UG. He is off again to Europe and India to collect more interviews and footage. I’m as eager as you must be to see it!

      • Manoj Kodiyan says:

        Hi Louis,

        That is just great, i cant wait to see the documentary ! Also i wanted to compliment you on the candid way you bring about all the ups and downs of your love life. Feelings of jealousy and anxiety with relation to ones lover seem so disgusting. As UG would have put it Jealousy is a natural feeling, but when it operates in ones life you feel so helpless and hollow as a person. I can totally relate to it , it is such a welcome relief to see you go through it as anyone else even in the presence of this great master. This clearly shows how the fake structure just works in us . Even though its still the fake structure telling the fake structure how absurdly you are are reacting and there is no other instrument to understand anything. Even though there is nothing to understand somehow the false entity slows down in its own way.. its incredible how mechanical the whole thing is…

  30. RAVI says:

    I am 30 years Old perplexed man and after started reading UG on various topics ,I am now totally a confused man and am still enjoying this state .As long as I am confused ,I think its good and at some point I might end up with “WHAT I REALLY WANT” –>FOOD +SHELTER+CLOTHING+MONEY …….

    Hi Louis ,
    This is Ravi and I just expressed my present thoughts after reading UG on various topics for last couple of weeks .I am at a CROSSROADS now but at same time I am not at all FEAR of anything .

    Thanks,
    Ravi

  31. Philip Hawkrigg says:

    Hi Louis I hugely enjoyed Goner and look forward to reading your next book. I wonder if you would perhaps share your thoughts, ideas, on an event that happened in U.G’s life that intrigues me. A while ago I read a bio called “The seed beneath the volcano” in it, one of the things it talks about was when U.G. was wandering around Chicago (before the calamity) and met a man called Marshal Dixon, according to the writer, Mr. Dixon the night before meeting U.G. was engaged in his nightly mediation when a vision came to him in which he saw his Guru who proceeded to tell him to wait outside his building and that he would meet an Indian gentleman who he should help with money and in other way he could. Mr. Dixon proceeded to do just that and did indeed meet an Indian Gentleman who of course was U.G. (Mr. Dixon did not know U.G. and had never met him before) he took him inside and told him about his vision and proceeded to help him out financially. So my questions would be, Where did the information come from that Mr. Dixon received? What created that information in the first place? It would seem as if something or someone directed that information but what would that be? And what would the purpose/mechanism be behind such an event? I know that U.G. Talked about the sphere of thought and how we all live inside it, but I also got the impression that the sphere of thought that he talks about is not a directed thing but just exists from millions of years of man thinking. It would seem that for such an event to occur,it would have to have something Directing it to take place, a mystery for sure. I have no answers myself, just wondered what your take on it would be.

    • louisbrawley says:

      Dear Phillip,

      Thank you for your comments. I’m afraid I have no way of answering your questions about the events in Chicago with Marshal Dixon. How could anyone figure that sort of stuff out? WHen he was asked about that sort of thing UG once said to a friend..
      “It’s out of your hands, it’s out of my hands. Just leave it alone.”

      I am working on another book. I just hope I can finish the thing!

      Thanks for your support!

      Louis

      • Philip Hawkrigg says:

        Thanks for taking the time and patience to reply to my questions an interesting answer, good luck with your new book….Philip

      • Ramamurthy says:

        I just finished reading your book on UG. It was wonderful. I read it in one go mostly except for lunch and dinner and bathroom breaks. I am interested to know when you will have the other book out?

      • louisbrawley says:

        Dear Ramamurthy,

        Thank you for the note. I’m working on another book. Goner comes out in India this month under the title “No More Questions”. They felt the Goner title would not work with Indian readers, it is after all, american underground slang! Anyway, thanks my friend. The new book is still in the works. It’s nice to know some people are out there reading…
        Thanks,,

        Louis

      • Georgiy Potulov says:

        Another good sounding title would be, “Nothing to stay, nothing to say” I think you would make more money and catch more reader’s interests! But that is just an opinion of mine. :-) Love this blog, I found out about U.G. a month or so ago, I have read 3 books, ( I have not currently read your book, but can’t wait to get my hands on it.) U.G. truly is an enigma, and I can’t wait for more videos to come out!

  32. rrkbhat says:

    Hi Louis,

    I would like to know about how Major Dhakshinamoorthy and Brahmachariji are doing at present, especially with respect to UG’s influence on them as of now.

    RadKrish

  33. Cukemane says:

    UG has devastated all my past knowledge and devastate his teachings too, for me he is a suicide bomber shattering every words like the glass panel breaking when a bomb is thrown. Thank you UG.

  34. miguel says:

    Hi Louis, I asked some spanish editorials if they could publish your book about U.G. They answered me saying their catalogue was full for this year and told me they know U.G , and was surprised about that ´cause thought they didn´t. I told them UG is a must to be read for everybody and specially J.K followers. Those editorials have many books on J.K. But i believe they don´t like U.G. :-)). I will have to read your book in english, omg.

  35. roger says:

    Hi Louis……I’ve just finished the book and I have to hand it to you…it was a great read with a compelling momentum and urgency to it. I found the account of UG’s last days,moving and at the same time uplifting. Thanks for writing it.
    I encountered UG only once, back in 1976 in Gstaad and spent an afternoon with him and a few others in the garden at Chalet Sunbeam. At the time, I was caretaking and sleeping in the JK conference tent down the road in Saanen and was also working at JK’s school in England. Somebody tipped me off that there was an interesting guy called UG over in Gstaad, so with a couple of friends just dropped in to check him out. It was one of the most stimulating and entertaining few hours of my life. Admittedly I was somewhat stoned too, which added to the hilarity and excitement. The first thing he said as we sat down on the lawn was ‘I don’t know what you’re all doing here. Nobody invited you and this is not my place’. That immediately cracked me up. I have very vivid memories of that afternoon. It was riveting. I noticed UG pulled my consciousness right into the present, simplifying it to sensory perception and the basic reality and intelligence of the physical organism away from insubstantial thoughts and concepts. The guy was so alive and real. I was a little taken aback by his criticism of JK but open-minded enough to ride with him. It was a thrill. Several people got up and left….couldn’t take the heat. He told an Israeli peacenik girl that when she made love, she made war. She departed pronto. He hammered all my sacred cows, including Buddhism. I appreciated his focus on the moment and the interaction we were involved in, with him stating that we wanted something from him that we thought he had that we didn’t have, and that this was not the case, that we were in the same place as him existentially, except that we were avoiding it and he wasn’t, and that if we were him we would hate it or go crazy or be bored out of our minds. That we wanted a free ride to nirvana…bla bla bla. One guy said he’d suffered so much and wanted out. UG told him he hadn’t suffered enough. I enjoyed the brutality with a light touch of humour and warm authenticity. He was so available.
    So fond memories of a rich encounter with a wise and funny man.

  36. Charlotte says:

    I thought I sent this, but maybe I didn’t. If so, get rid of the duplicate. It’s already way long.

    Dear Louis,

    Reading Goner: 80 pages to go. I was trying to finish by this afternoon because I wanted to give it to a friend. But it turns out she isn’t coming, so now I am in that delicious place of getting to savor the end. I do not want it to end. (Funny about books. I do want them to end, to chalk them off as “read,” it’s all so goal-oriented, I can’t really rest in the reading until I pass the halfway point–as if that meant something. But by now, with yours, I’m a goner; I just want it to go on and on… Him to go on. My story of your story of him.)

    I am pretty much living and breathing and reading and watching UG all day, every day, and the feeling is that he is somewhere in my dreams, blasting away. I do cook dinner.

    I see how I cannot help but turn it into more STUFF. More ideas. And yet, there is such a strong smell of freedom in the air. Moments of it playing out in my life without rehearsal or rehashing.

    A couple of days before falling into this hole, I had a dream. Someone to whom I used to give guru status and I were about to have a rapprochement. But she bombarded me with insults. And out of me poured a rage that was entirely physical, visible, tangible, directed. There were words, but I didn’t remember them afterwards. Only a force that penetrated her ass like a beam of light and shot up to her head. I said, There’s the vertical pole, now for the horizontal one. I crucified her. Or the rage did. Immobilized her. I woke up with no anxiety about what an angry person I am. It was an entirely pure experience. If there is such a thing.

    Purer.

    Like I said, there is this freedom that comes with UG immersion. I can feel so much shit fall away, and part of that is the being good thing, the trying to sanitize my anger (something this former teacher was all about, in my opinion/experience: using the mind to clean up the mind in the name of freedom). Somewhere, maybe it was in Goner or maybe in The Natural State, he talks about how we separate ourselves from anger. And how twisted our relationships get because of that. (Sorry, paraphrasing: my filtered version.) What’s wrong with an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, he asks. And I could so feel the sanity of that. Now, I notice these strange encounters where just for a moment or two anger flows unimpeded. It is so NOT damaging. Perverting it the way I did, that was damaging.

    Or, it will be damaging if it turns into a new “way”: the newer better freer angrier version of me. If I keep wanting another hit of that taste of freedom.

    A few days into the hole, I had another dream. I was naked, putting books on a shelf. There were people around. They pointed it out to me. I had none of the usual panic of naked-in-public dreams. I said, Yeah, I know, and went on shelving books.

    I got my first blast of all this from Tony Parsons. So that much of what I read in UG is not unfamiliar to me or strange. Yet UG feels so much less “English.” I don’t compare them to say one is the real thing and the other not. What can I know and who cares? Yet, how I love the tsunami that is washing through my life. UG is one powerful wave.

    At various times I have written and painted. I feel no movement in either direction now. If it comes, it comes. But I can so find where it was my drug: I did this, made this, therefore I exist, the high that comes with that. I have no urge to pick up that particular drink for now. And, there is still the drug of reading: I read, I (think I) know (or equally, I’m confused), therefore I exist.

    Probably I would meet most of the criteria of clinical depression (weird sleep patterns, diminished appetite, no ambition, no sex drive) except for one glaring, overarching one: I am NOT depressed.

    And probably that is so not true. Probably as long as you are ensconced in thought you have to be depressed. This girdle of MIND, holding you in, restricting you…. So, let me amend that: I feel so much LESS depressed than I did when I was sleeping “right,” trying to write/paint, etc. It is just quieter.

    I am so glad YOU did write. And shared your struggles. Even when you didn’t understand, couldn’t understand, your articulation of the corner you were pushed into, the claustrophobia of that, is very illuminating. It’s like I get to hear my own questions, better asked. OK, like all questions, they’re just inherited, “yours” in this case, or the same old seeker shit, and yes, they are dead, just so much regurgitation, yet I do love the feeling of recognition, of something expressed well. Another pleasure movement, I suppose, but there you have it.

    Afterwards I can’t remember what the questions even were…maybe I love not having to ask them since you did it so perfectly. And I get to turn the page.

    It has been an intense encounter for me; thank you.

    If you are still in NY, maybe we will meet one day.

    My warmest wishes,

    Charlotte

    • louisbrawley says:

      This is such a great story Charlotte. I am glad this blog is here for these kinds of anecdotes. This is why I wrote the book because you can read it and start putting him into some frame, but if you meet him, that stuff is a lot harder to pin on him. Your description tells it all in glorious detail, available to all, especially westerners. For a long time its seemed to me that Buddhism is the new Christianity and after hanging out with UG, Advaita Vedanta really looks to be the new Buddhism replacement.Oh well. different strokes etc.. great note, thanks.

      Louis

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hey, Once again you’ve nailed it. I have to post this, it says so much between the lines. I love the guru dream. There is an aggressively mellow attitude in these people that gets on my nerves every time. UG is such a concentrated living expression it grabs your life and takes you if you are interested. The proof is in the living. It happens and you can’t do a thing about it. Of course, why would you, right?? Great stuff. The influence he had is so practical it cuts the spiritual blather. So goddamned practical it takes makes the world a much more interesting and less cluttered. Man, who knew that could happen?

  37. Charlotte says:

    Hey Louis,
    I am having these very conflicted feelings about writing. If UG were to read my stuff and tell me it sucked, that would almost be a relief. He’s not here to do that, and what I get instead about the one piece I have done in the last couple of years that I would call “finished,” is that I have to write more. People tell me this. So at some point I would like to have a conversation with you about it, because I have been reading your story of moving from painting to writing…and also that writing didn’t happen till you realized you wanted to write about UG. My stories all feel like they are dead. And, without edging into God, I want to do what I am good at if I am somehow supposed to. Whatever that means and I so don’t know if it means ANYTHING or is just more bs. I don’t have UG to write about. Just the wasteland of my answerless life. And I don’t want the drug of writing any more and I don’t know if it can be something else. So…..that is my nonsense.
    I finished your book today, by the way, this morning, blowing my nose into napkins in a bar in Milan where I mostly live. There is so much there. Mostly what you do, I think, is capture the movement of the mind so accurately, from one brick wall to another. I notice with the scene in which he is surprised by his own tears that I want to take it and say so THAT was it, the truth. I want to make that into the overriding sentimental conclusion and attach words like LOVE. There are so many beliefs there. Whereas maybe the tears just were. And maybe to go to LOVE is no less a brick wall than NOT LOVE would be. That is the movement you captured, at least I found it there: no rest no rest no rest in thought. And always always the rug will be pulled out whenever I think I’m there. Another version of not LOVE and not NOT LOVE would be: LOVE and NOT LOVE. Fuck it.
    Are you up for talking to me about writing in this UG fog that obscures my old reasons to write?
    Charlotte
    PS. I did feel quite depressed today, and then I watched UG shouting at Mahesh about his so-called suffering. Where IS it indeed??????????? I saw such humor there, such kindness, and so much life on all apparent sides of the table that mind immediately moved to not depressed. For a few minutes.

    • Charlotte says:

      Just reread your second response above. The word practical jumps out at me. I can’t find a PRACTICAL approach to this question of writing at all.

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hi Charlotte,

      I’m replying in a personal address mail because I don’t feel comfortable publicizing my every thought. Too many eager comments start generating with replies that end up sounding like a bunch of advaita vedanta greeting cards. I’m sure you get my point.

      I reply because your interest will have its own effect and that is interesting to hear. Around UG shoving into the corner he did was a mystery at the time but makes more and more sense as you are experiencing. The emotional dips, (what we call that anyway), are only noise. He was not joking when he said that. He never gave people pats on or assurances which is so amazing because he knew it was bullshit. The proof will come in your daily life, you didn’t need him. It is my firm conviction, increasingly obvious and unshakable, that any interest in him is a stroke of good luck. The sensations of failure, (chronic for me when I think in terms of accomplishments), are just the resistence of the known bullshit world. (This “bullshit world” I am talking about is exactly the same as those %2 billionaire greedy bastards that are destroying quality of life for the rest of us.) This baggage begins to crumble as you keep listening to him, and what comes after is something unspeakable. Its so fucking ordinary it hits you like a deep breath. Nothing mystical, no mystery. As you will discover and already express, these are just thought balloons and in UG’s company they were popped constantly. Concluding that he was this or that, that he meant this or that, that you should do this or that, it’s all just force of habit that will fall apart in it’s own time if you let it. I have found that letting it fall apart is not easy, but if you do let it, a huge sense of relief will eventually occur. This happens in quiet moments that you cannot share with anyone. And you don’t have to, you won’t even care to and it don’t matter in the nicest way. Nothing really matters and then life becomes really interesting. This is an anathema to the rest of the rat race, cannot be shared, sold, whatever. In light of this. Write, don’t write, do what ever the fuck you feel like and with that attitude it all takes care of itself. Amazing really. I’m so shocked that this life is that simple and it’s taken me this long to realize he was right in ways that are more and more incredible because they become more and more obvious. He was also remarkable for being such a remarkably pure soul and as time goes on I appreciate the subtleties of his way of giving information without messing with people. It’s astonishing. Anyone who takes a dime for this kind of thing is off my radar at this point. He was a beauty.

      ________________________________

  38. RadKrish says:

    Hi Louis,
    Your books “Goner” and “No More Questions” both have the same content, and the only difference is the title, am I right?

  39. Madhusudhan says:

    While JK prepared ground for me, UG took away the very (illusory) ground I was standing on!!

    I thank both of them !!

  40. Ronna says:

    do you have any information about the movie of UG’s life that you mentioned above…is it finished now?

    • louisbrawley says:

      The filmmaker’s name is Matthew Dougherty and the film is still being shot. He is planning to begin the edit this spring.

    • Georgiy says:

      One thing that has me stumped on U.G.’s story is the day he died when he was 49, for 49 minutes. It said that when Valentine touched U.G.’s dead body, he was as cold as a block of ice. In an average room temperature home, which is roughly 70 degrees, every hour the body will drop 1 degree, so if he was dead for 49 minutes, he would of only been less than a degree cooler (which hardly makes a difference) So that part of the story does not add up… Do you have any answers for this? Or have you heard of a different story?

      • louisbrawley says:

        Dear Georgiy, These stories are unimportant. I have never heard these details but you have to ask yourself one question… what difference would it make? The reason UG stopped talking about the changes that took place in his body was that people started focusing on the details about the changes rather than on what he was talking about or how he was living. This information about how long he was dead, whether his body was 32 degrees or 23 degrees is useless really. It does nothing for anyone. I understand the fascination, but it’s misplaced my friend.

        Thank you for writing anyway,

        Louis

      • Georgiy says:

        You are right, it is all subjective, and what is cold to her could be cool to someone else and it does not mean that what she is saying is false. Not only that but everything else he says and the way he lives is extraordinary. I just got my hands on “The Seed Beneath the Volcano”.. So far it is amazing! Much thanks for your opinion. Its a good eye opener!

      • TKar says:

        Hi Louis, i haven’t read your book yet , but i would like to share my thoughts and how coming in contact, although unortunately not directly, with UG has changed everything in me. Changed is rather te wrong word , destroyed would probably describe it better.
        As much as i tried to run away and lie to myself to keep me going in life, one way or another, observation of events and motives behind my actions and other people’s actions through the light of the undeniable truth of UG’s statements have made everything pointless anymore. I am in what someone might describe as a serious depression finding no meaning and no point continuing to do anything anymore. What keeps me going..i dont know. And yet i cant stop but watching only his videos and reading his books again and again. Nothing else makes any sense, no movies to watch no music to listen, not even the motive to go for a walk. I was long ago in the same path that he was exploring and casting light in the same behaviors and fakeness of everyone and everything..and then i “stumbled” upon the shortcut named UG…and there it ended. My question is…since i didnt have the luck to experience his presence…where does one go from here..and what for..? If one day we all die…what’s the point in moving in any direction..? Your advice to Charlotte “do whatever u feel like”…how does it apply when all u feel is existential agony..?

      • louisbrawley says:

        Dear Tkar,

        I’m sitting here with a friend in India who I met through UG. When I read your note out loud he said, “Ah yes! That’s good!”. Then he asked me, “So you are becoming an internet Guru?” This is the last thing I’d want to do! What I can tell you is that the few people who are serious and land up at UG’s doorstep, often experience this. UG is not for the faint-hearted. When you say what you feel is LIKE depression, that alone is telling. How do you know what it is? Sometimes its good to just sit there and let things fall apart. That’s what we’re all running from isn’t it? Then we want to replace it with the next thing. Immediately!

        Meanwhile, there are a few of us out there. If you are ever in New York, or Bangalore, or Cologne or whatever, there are some people who’d sit down and have a coffee and shoot the shit about what it’s like in the aftermath of such an encounter.

        Best,

        Louis

  41. Branko says:

    “Dont mistrust its apparent sterility and Emptiness.” quote from a long dead and heavy smoking ‘ordinary man’
    Even if things seem pointless, your body will still remember how to go to the bathroom.
    Hard not to expect some kind of “outcome state” Hope is always ready to act like poison.
    Oh, and get the book for sure it’s one of the best books you could read… well it’s no Fifty Shades of Grey. You will read it one sitting i am sure.
    Gives a broader view of u.g. in action with different angles revealed. You may even find you piss yourself laughing.

    • louisbrawley says:

      I like the Bidi Quote Branko. Never heard it before but it describes my initial reaction to UG’s expression very well. It seemed so sterile, good word. Then it started unfolding but I can never seem to put my finger on that part, thankfully.

      • Charlotte says:

        I would test 20 out of 20 on one of those magazine check-the-box quizes: Are You Depressed? I am not very interested in food, some of my “most important” friendships have come to an end, I spend long periods of time isolated, can’t be bothered with sex, find no pleasure in many of my former sources thereof, etc. But I am not depressed.

        I like living with cats. They never heard of UG. Because they didn’t need to. Nor did they need any of the things that contact with UG would possibly “unburden” one of. Yet, *even though they sleep up to 20 hours a day,* not depressed.

        Depressed might be just another piece of culture.

        On Thu, Apr 18, 2013 at 4:30 AM, louisbrawley

      • Charlotte says:

        an amendment: I am USUALLY not depressed. Today actually was hit with a wave of the stuff.

        On Thu, Apr 18, 2013 at 7:34 AM, Charlotte Price wrote:

        > I would test 20 out of 20 on one of those magazine check-the-box quizes: > Are You Depressed? I am not very interested in food, some of my “most > important” friendships have come to an end, I spend long periods of time > isolated, can’t be bothered with sex, find no pleasure in many of my former > sources thereof, etc. But I am not depressed. > > I like living with cats. They never heard of UG. Because they didn’t > need to. Nor did they need any of the things that contact with UG would > possibly “unburden” one of. Yet, *even though they sleep up to 20 hours > a day,* not depressed. > > Depressed might be just another piece of culture. > >

  42. TKar says:

    @Branko i’m guessing you refer to Nisargadatta..i’ve read everything about him too. @Louis i’d be very much interested in meeting such people. I live in Europe so any contact details about Cologne i’d appreciate it ver much. The thing is…i sent you the message because where i live, i have nowhere else to turn to.. if i speak of thing like that and UG, they gonna think im going mad…which isn’t very far from the truth…sometimes i really feel i’m losing it:). One more thing…it’s too late for me to run away and replace one thing with another..his voice echoes in my head. Thanks for your reply, you have my e-mail so any further info i’d be grateful..

  43. Anonymous says:

    Branko,

    Why is this one of the best books you could read? What did you get out of it?

  44. sharbra says:

    Good God man, just get it! What can you get out of a stinky book? More mental spam?!?
    I wasted all of my twenties reading spiritual trash when i could have used that energy to learn something useful.
    I read the book in one sitting… finished at about two in the morning. My poor wife was forced to read it and she has never appreciated U.G. She has read the book at least three times and even had the balls to give the book to the head of an International Writers Festival (Crazy behaviour for her.)
    Don’t tell anyone, i think some water started leaking from my eyes at one point while reading Goner (strange, i don’t know what that phenomena was) :)
    Water in my eyes and pee in my pants…what a fantastic read!

  45. Anonymous says:

    Sharbra/Branko,

    Sounds like some regressive therapy for traumatized adults. :-) What kind of recommendation is this? Are you on drugs? I guess my question to you was too ridiculous for a straight up answer!?

    Oh yes, and be careful what you force your wife to do. It’s often the road to disaster. Cheers!

    • Branko says:

      Quite the opposite… Functioning sanely and intelligently in this world is damn important to me.
      I dont understand your question? Get? what can you “get” from a book? a spiritual transmission? None of that shite in Goner. You will get a unique window into what it’s like to be around someone functioning like U.G. was.
      Don’t worry about my wife, she is always complaining “The plough is too heavy, the plough is too heavy, i cannot carry anymore.” :)

      • Anonymous says:

        Let’s backtrack to your statement ‘this is one of the ‘best’ books you could read’. My question is really very simple. Why is this one of the best books you could read? ‘Get’ means what did you relate to about the content of the book? If you didn’t interpret it to mean something to you, you would not mention this book or any other book for that matter.

        Transmission? Spiritual? Cannot understand what you are talking about.
        Can you really get a unique window into what it is like to be around someone else from a book? Or, is it you building a complex picture of ideas and interpreting that to be what it may have been like to have been around someone like UG? Sort of like a projection. And, why would that be important to do? Cheers.

  46. Branko says:

    Hi Anonymous! i was responding specifically to Tkar… I was not saying this is the best book for you or everybody to read. My response was specifically to Tkar. You are possibly hoping for some kind of intellectual battle of swords and i am far too much of a dimwit for that.
    You should’t worry about what i have to say. It’s not worth it.
    the only complex pictures and ideas i am capable of forming/projecting are imagining what to have for lunch. I have no interest in Shitting up Louis’s blog further… There is far too much of my bullshit on here already.

  47. louisbrawley says:

    Anonymous,
    It’s just a book, why complicate a paper bag? If it doesn’t interest you to read it don’t, if it does, read it. No promises, I think a sense of humor is handy. It’s all entertainment. Cheers to the world.

    • Anonymous says:

      Come on, now. I asked a question and I got a very silly response. I have nothing against reading this or any other book and wish you well in your endeavor. I was just curious about why the person said what he said. Isn’t a blog about discussion? My sense of humour has not gone away. We ask people all the time what do you think of this movie, etc. It’s the same for your book. I’m curious as to what people perceive about reading your book. Unreasonable?

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  49. Aurelio says:

    Hi Louis,

    I shall try to keep it short and simple. You have lived near him so that’s basically my only reason for writing you. I am in my twenties, seriously depressed and have been for a long time. As long as I can remember really. Right now I am roaming alone through South Europe, provided by a disability fund (for depression) I receive from my country. With E 800 a month to spend I don’t have to worry about food, clothing and such.

    Basically I am tired of this life. I don’t know where to turn or where to go. It’s like i’m done for. I think of going home, but the thought terrifies me, I think of going to India, I think of killing myself. I think and I think. UG’s books offer no solution, yet my obsession with this guy doesn’t end.

    I just wonder. What was his stance on clinical depression? That I never really managed to figure out..?

    I don’t really expect any answer, would be nice though.

    Aurelio

    • louisbrawley says:

      Dear Aurelio,

      UG had friends who suffered from depression, insomnia, anxiety, the usual tortures of the social animal. He would not usually offer much advice aside from acknowledging that in some cases there was perhaps a case of chemical imbalance best treated by medication. On the other hand he had a way of distracting me from these things. I also recall him referring to these things as coming in waves. Sometimes they come, and sometimes they seem to be gone, only to resurface later. He would not necessarily advise just anyone one way or the other about any problem, then suddenly he might say something to a person that triggered them to act. I felt a lot of depression at times, even around him, but not to the extent you describe. Its a really tough situation.

      Sorry I am not more helpful with this…

      Louis

    • Anam Cara says:

      Since I saw yr comment Aurelio I would like to acknowledge the painful state you have shared. Wish I had an answer but as far as I have discovered the way through involves coming to see that you are not that state and that it is the identifying with that state as you that causes the pain.
      It’s like a rainy day … maybe unpleasant but it’s not you and that’s why it’s easy to tolerate. I wish you well young friend and hope you can understand. As a matter of interest, do you say “I am depressed” .. and if so can you see how this is not accurate in the same way you wouldn’t say “I am a rainy day”. Wonder how it might feel if you began to turn thinking toward something like “there is depression/rainy day/…. but it is not who I am”.

      • Branko says:

        Spirituality and non-dual teachings would be the worst thing for you Aurelio. Depression is very much a real thing and it may be a chemical/organic issue. Non-Dual teachings can be so damn dismissive about these things. Even reading about u.g’s ‘crazy’ wandering stage may not be helpful. It is NOT just a matter of changing your thinking and playing stupid word games in your head. it is a totally consuming thing by the sounds of it.
        There is nothing wrong with taking some medication and possibly taking up physical/labouring work that doesn’t require a lot of thinking. The physical demands on the body can help shift things around.
        These dark spots do carry the impression that the bleakness will remain forever.

      • Anam Cara says:

        Branko makes some good points. Physical exertion is most helpful and so too can medication be helpful. Since you said Aurelio that you were “seriously depressed and have been for a long time.” I did assume that you had been through the medical model. (So yes, if you haven’t seen a doctor then it would be wise to do so asap)
        In my own case I did use medication for a number of years as I had reached a stage where I could scarcely move. It did prove useful and helpful to me to also embrace what Branko seems to dismiss as “Spirituality and non-dual teachings” – identification is a powerful thing and actually I was speaking from a psychological perspective.
        I would be rather cautious of anyone who makes such unequivocal recommendations such as “would be the worst thing for you Aurelio.” It is up to you to find out what can give you relief and chances are it will be a combination of factors.

  50. Ben says:

    For those who haven’t seen Louis’s new web page; http://ug-goner-krishnamurti.com/

  51. leo says:

    Hello Louis,

    I left a message earlier, but thankfully you gave the option to post it or not. I choose to rephrase the whole thing.

    You see. I am a clinically depressive/ light manic depressive. Once many years ago I came across UG’s books, which in retrospect I think might have only aggravated my state. Before that I was really into Osho. Since this thing, I don’t know what it is, seems to run through my family, lots of depression, borderline, all kinds of stuff, I lately have begun to wonder that it might all be a genetical, physical thing. I’m sort of confronted by the option of taking up to medication.

    I cannot really free myself of UG, like he always demanded from people. In fact, he’s always in my head. I think of him at least once a day. I simply give enormous credence to his words. My question may seem really silly and childish, I know it is, but I really would like to know, what would he advise me? What was his stance on these things (depression etc.)? I mean I know, he attributed basically everything to the body etc. But I never really figured out what he felt about “depression” and what to do about it? Just in case you know. I’m someone who tried various forms of therapy. From Osho type therapy to regular group therapy, all that stuff.

    Well. I hope, since you have been so near to him, that you could give me a little more insight. If not, nothings lost.

    -Leo

    p.s. I really enjoy reading your blog.

    • louisbrawley says:

      Leo

      thanks for reading but don’t ask me about depression my man. I would never presume to imagine what UG might say about anything. One thing he did say to his friends who suffered or knew people suffering from mental disorders was that sometimes these things are chemical imbalances and theres’s nothing you can do to “FIX” them. Doctors may be able to prescribe medications but beyond that these things come in cycles. Anyway, that’s what I remember him saying. I would only advise you not to seek advice on the internet for this stuff, you’re in for the endless meddlings of amateurs.

      best of luck ,

      Louis

      • Aurelio /Leo says:

        Hi,

        Thank you for your anwsers. Sorry for posting twice, but I was under the (false) impression that my first post wasn’t online yet until I verified it by email.

        Anyway. Thanks for your honesty and sharing what you remember. I wasn’t hoping for a direct solution, or maybe I was, probably was. :)
        But I am pretty positive now that I will try medication and see if it has any positive effect on my state.

        @ Anam Cara and Branko. Thanks to you too for the kind words and advice. I really appreciate that.

      • possum says:

        why do you imagine UG is always so damn angry … I’ve been watching some vids on youtube and even the scene where he appears to be dying he does not exude peacefulness …. isn’t anger a sort of mental illness?

      • louisbrawley says:

        If he seems angry any explanation from me would be useless. I simply don’t see it that way. I would not bother trying to figure it out if you are under that impression. To me it was clear that it was not anger, but to go to the trouble of explaining why or what… well that’s why I wrote a book. And even then people draw their own conclusions.

  52. Branko says:

    U.G. talking to Louis about ‘mental’ problems being physical… he mentions telling a friend to take the drugs from the doctors because it will stabilise him and not to listen to the therapists.
    here it is on youtube

    http:///watch?v=Ck-2oh7OVgowww.youtube.com

    • ansjanet says:

      Branko, the link is broken. Can you check or find another?

    • kidon55 says:

      I don´t understand how U.G recommends to take drugs to stabilise that guy. I think U.G should have said: “there´s nothing to stabilise” or “let the body work by himself ” but NO TAKING DRUGS. Louis u were there with U.G when he said that. In my opinion, one mistake of U.G. Another thing is that UG doesn´t like yoga or at least, don´t say good things about it.. In my opinion, it´s the best gym that exists to have and keep the body in a good health, I´ve realized by myself with my body and health. Just practicing asanas regularly, nothing about meditation, trying to get moksha and stupid things, of course. Just physical. Two good things India gave us: U.G and yoga. :D

      • louisbrawley says:

        Dear Baden, I am not sure what you are talking about with this story about drugs to stabilise that guy? UG was always an extremely practical person who never hesitated to suggest to people see a doctor if they had a real pain. “There is no charm in suffering!” and assuring them that if they imitated his behavior “If you try and imitate me you will be even more miserable.” And he also reminded people over and over, that he was NOT a doctor. As for yoga, on more than one occasion he said “If you want to remain flexible, there is no harm in that yoga.” at the same time he said, “If you are using it to reach your spiritual goals, Yoga will not work.” So there you have it. And there are probably more comments by him about Yoga, I can recall one actually, where he spoke of the yogis as ‘great technicians who tortured their bodies’ and lived longer in misery by forcing austerities on their bodies. I am not in a position to argue any of these points, Just want to give you that information in case you are interested. I can assure you his take on things was always a bit of a surprise since he would invariably address whomever he was speaking to with information specific to their situation, there was never a blanket statement about anything. In fact he was famous for saying ‘I say something, then I negate that something, then I negate that thing and the next thing negates what I’m about to say before I even say it…” or something like that… so go figure!

      • kidon55 says:

        Hi Louis, It´s UG who mentions in the video to take drugs to stabilise, not me. It´s not my invention, then. I remember UG saying “there´s no charm in suffering”. You say UG recommended people to see a doctor if they had a “real pain”. Who says what is real pain or not? Frustration or sorrow can be very real for me, for example. Remember U.G saying to Mahesh that there is no sorrow nor fustration . In that video I agree Bhatt because I feel frustration sometimes, inside my body. It´s a very real thing to me. So then If I feel sorrow and frustration do I have to take medication as UG recomends in the video or not? Go to doctors? Or there´s no sorrow? Or be with my misery? Or get lost and stay lost? What do I have to do? UG in that case doesn´t recommend Bhatt to take drugs when he feels frustration as UG did in the link below. That´s where I want to arrive. You were with UG when he said that. You know better than anyone the context of the conversation, not me. I don´t know if u get my point. My english is not good enough also ( spanish poor education system, u know). I can agree U.G recommending some people taking drugs in extreme cases, for example,very depressed people, drug addicts and so on, and surely, UG could feel if someone needed medication , u will know better than anyone how UG worked. I don´t know, for example, what UG recommended Parveen Babi to do for her illness. Anyway,in general, I am against of taking medication for suffering, sorrow, frustration or whatever. And after “meeting” UG since many years, my opinion about this subject became still stronger: no drugs. It´s not because I love suffering. The body will manage it. But that´s my opinion, of course. And I don´t have anything against people who take antidepressants and so on. If they feel better, ok. And about doctors , the less u see them (not surgeons, of course, they make a great job) the better for u because most of them are bullshit. My own experience.

        About yoga, I remember UG saying ,as u said, that a flexible body is better than a non flexible one. But appart from that statement, he doesn´t say anything good about yoga. Everytime he speaks about yoga is to critizise it, but he´s wrong in my opinion. I´m not a yoga fanatic, at all. It´s a gym for me to be in good shape, that´s all and it´s a very good system to get it. I recommend it to everyone , specifically, Iyengar yoga. BKS Iyengar is an interesting guy although his ego is like Everest mountain. I thought these yogis had no ego, :D, but anyway, his life is interesting. In few words, he recovered health just practising yoga, nothing else. If I´m not wrong, the only gym UG used to recommend was running as animals. Well, I think yoga is much more effective and I agree with J. Krishnamurti also on this subject because J.K used to practice raja yoga (the best type of yoga in J.K opinion) to have a good health, but B.K.S Iyengar in some interview said that gave J.K. some classes and that he had many health problems but Iyengar didn´t specified J.K´s health problems, what a pity!. So it seems raja yoga didn´t work properly, lol.

        I´ve never understood the statement U.G said : “I say something, then I negate that something, then I negate that thing…”. Appart this statement and something else, 95% of what he says is very clear in my opinion. UG used to go to the point like an arrow without any divert, and thanks his clarity and his authenticity, he is unique. The only thing I can say about UG is this: “Thanks UG for everything!!!”.

        Sorry for the speech.

  53. Hey Janet
    the video title is ‘On J. Krishnamurti’ it is from the ugktube channel.
    here is that link again http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck-2oh7OVgo

  54. hasnam says:

    Lewis Hello from Greece

    U.G is definetely very unique in his approach. I’m convinceded that he is real and that he “acheived” this “natural state” he describes. I’m somehow puzzled from his negativity about other known “spiritual teachers” . Did he question that Osho or Krisnamurti for instance “acheived” this “natural state” ? I cannot also understand the criticism of osho against him. Finally, what is the point here? If we agree that these people lived ” from the body” then their “controversy” comes from their thinking process which is inevitably comes from their personality which means consequently that comes from their past patterns.

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hello.

      The reason UG attacked the other teachers is that anyone who we look up to, including him, holds us in a pattern of authority and depending on others to tell us what to do. One of the most unique things about him, was his ability to challenge those around him in such a way that they had to stand up on their own. Other teachers set up authority in themselves in order to keep the followers off balance and dependent upon them so they can collect money and exercise power over them. UG was always undermining his own authority, trying to anyway, and people ignored that and kept on putting him in that position. If you listen carefully to UG, you will not hear anyone behind the words convincing you of anything. What he was all the time doing was pressing those around him to examine the implications of what he was saying on themselves. JK would do this in talk, but UG did it in his actions. As for the others, I am not familiar enough to say.

      Thanks

  55. hasnam says:

    Hello Lewis

    You mentioned in an interview that U.G didn’t need having sex after his calamity? Is this an indication of a spiritual quality? I think that sex is an instict, a genuine expression of the body.
    In addition J krisnamurti was accused of having a secret sexual affair with a married woman. What’s the problem here. He felt attraction and he did it. Does this means that he was addicted to sex or that he couldn’t control it? Is it immoral because she was married?
    Actually, the sexual life of “enlightened” people is a very controversial issue and I’m trying to understand the whole thing.

  56. kidon55 says:

    Hi, i have many times wishes to kill people ,but the pity is that i can´t do it :O. It will be another instinct, i believe :D. Well, J. K was a fake guy, so forget him and throw him to the garbage!!!! I´ve always thought that that sex is irrelevant for enlightened people. UG didn´t care about sex i guess, as i don´t care about surfing, heavy music an so on. So, the more “evolutioned” u are, the less care u have about sex ;D.

  57. wiki-ins.ru says:

    Salut la compagnie, Je suis une vieille de quarante-cinq ans !

    Ici Monique
    Je bosse comme sans emploi . Il est dit souvent que je semble je m’en foutiste.

  58. Mitul says:

    Hi Louis

    I very much enjoyed your interview on BATGAP , and your youtube interview with Willem De Ridder. I resonated with UG’s over a year ago, and much like yourself i think i was drawn to his mannerisms/behaviour as well as his words – there was a fire , and a sense of brutal honesty emanating from him that was irresistible. In short i listened to him for over a month monogamously – he just resonated so profoundly that everything else (ie Non Duality, Satsangs etc) stopped making sense.

    Listening to him exclusively day and night for over a month brought out some really dark moods and memories, and i was forced into an area that i didnt feel comfortable, and then it got so uncomfortable that i sought refuge in the ” Poetic, Romantic Nonsense ” for yet another 8 months. Now (and for the last 3 months) UG has been with me day and night , and i cant get rid of him no matter how hard i try – i am forced to look at parts of myself that are not pretty and there isnt a damn things i can do about it – since there is no longer any value in the poetic romantic stuff – its funny how the stuff that i used to value so much before has very l;Little meaning to me at all

    I do envy you because at this moment in my life, i have only one regret, it is that i never got to meet UG in person -the punches and the slaps would have been worth it – when i watch is videos i feel different every time, there are times when i laugh hysterically, and then there are moments when go quiet and say to myself ” shit , he really means what he is saying – i am screwed). There are times when i think i am beginning to get the implications of what he is saying, and then it swings the other way – he really was a funny guy but i am sure that he had no intention of being so.

    In your BATGAP interview you talked of 108 money maxims? where are these Maxims – did anyone keep a copy, would love to read it? if its in your book that’s ok as i am just about to buy it

    many thanks

    Mitul

    • louisbrawley says:

      Thank you for the note Mitul,

      I have written to a friend who produced a set of cards with the Money Maxims on them. He would surely send you a set for some fee I think. but lets see. Meanwhile it would make a good web site. Money Maxims.Com or something like that. Gives me an idea! HAh!

      I will try to post the Indian song version UG liked so much sung by Uma Balaji.

      Best,

      Louis

    • Anonymous says:

      Louis,

      Forget U.G., who is the beautiful woman standing next to him in the desert? :-)

  59. ansjanet says:

    I hear the Dog’s a Doner!

  60. louisbrawley says:

    Seems like it is. Now for the publishing to be completed. I’m sure that’s what Nic’s eager to have done.

  61. hasnam says:

    Hello louis

    Do you thing that people who have attained the natural state do not sell their “spiritual” power in order to have an income? Actually I have strong indication that many of them do it. They sell books and they give seminars. So, what is the difference they have with U.G, concidering that they also live in the natural state?

  62. louisbrawley says:

    You assume many things I would not assume Hasnam. I have no idea who is in the natural state and who is not. There is no way for me to know. I can tell you that most of the people who claim they are in a natural state I would not trust, but that is personal. That is something for each individual to decide. I trusted UG. Once I asked him why he wasn’t more famous, being the kind of person he was, (I was thinking to myself, “This is the real deal and there are hardly any people here? Why is that?”). His answer to me was “In order to become famous, you have to sell something. I refused.” and that was that. UG never sold books or held seminars. “I refuse to thrive on the gullibility and the credulity of the people.” If someone says they have nothing to teach, nothing to give, and cannot help you, how could they charge money for that? He used to say it all the time, in clear unmistakable language, “I can not help you.” So UG never charged money to spend time in his company. That may not mean a thing to other people, but I liked that about UG. He was so approachable. Wonderful fellow really.

    • Georgiy says:

      “”His answer to me was “In order to become famous, you have to sell something. I refused.” and that was that. UG never sold books or held seminars. ” But when you say this it is not always true. Many people become famous because they can sing and some get discovered at a church etc.. And the next thing they know, the news plays it on the television and overnight it can wow many others and they become an overnight sensation. You don’t have to be famous in order to sell something. Sometimes it just happens by chance. Who would refuse to do what they love to do and for it to move people in ways. Give people goosebumps under their skin, and have that inner joy feeling. Chanticleer are famous, and they sell nothing. They travel around and sing in many schools and colleges to teach people. And they aren’t in the Natural state. Also, “UG never charged money to spend time in his company. That may not mean a thing to other people, but I liked that about UG. He was so approachable. Wonderful fellow really.” ..I feel many people are like this, and have no pretentiousness and agenda’s to get something out of people. I have met many people in my life to know that U.G. really isn’t different, although I find him completely unrational, so in a way there is something different about him, but I can’t make out what it is. Is it because he seemed to break barriers by burning his questions and just letting them dissolve into nothing, which made him realize that mind is a myth?

    • hasnam says:

      Actually, I want to examine what is the factor that makes UG different. I think that when he says i cannot help you, this implies a central message which is that you have to take responsibility for yourself. However, even “masters” who give seminars or sell books say the same thing. Their teaching do not contradict the idea that everybody is responsible for himself and that he is the only one who can “save” himself. Finally, i think that UG once said that you don’t need teachers or sth like that unless you are handicapped. Well, this a very tricky point, because I think that 90 percent of people are someway handicapped, even if they don’t know or admit.

  63. louisbrawley says:

    Since I am not interested in other ‘masters’ it is hard to say anything about them without putting my foot in my mouth!

  64. Whoa brother! Reread Goner and had to stop by your blog and spam it up with my kudos. What strikes me is the way you painted UG’s life, interlaced with your own, in a way none of the other texts I have read do. You really “give” UG to us in a way that has not been done before. Any attempt that I have made to describe the man to my unlikely companions feels like an attempt at eating ice cream but finding my mouth full of marbles instead. It’s clear now, that it’s his actions, his embodiment of life itself that might take root instead of his mere, often confusing, words.

    This blog itself must be full of gems I will enjoy reading now. You keep giving us UG. It’s really a very generous gift to those who are touched by him whether they met him or not. I’m sure you keep getting him back just as much, as I see many many comments on this thread. Alas, I’m sure our garbled muck does not come close to the prose you employ in Goner.

    If I ever have the urge to speak of UG to my friends again, I will “shut up” and direct them to Amazon, for my copy will not veer off the shelf. Unless, of course, it’s in the bathroom with me due to some other urge or need to mull over this or that passage, one more time. All the best to you, man!
    Hunter

    • louisbrawley says:

      Thanks Hunter,

      I wrote the book in large part because I could never quite get it right when trying to explain to my friends what was going on with me and that ‘guru’ up in the Alps. So we do what we can, knowing 99% of what’s happening is invisible and out of our hands anyway. These struggles to communicate it only enhance that realization and for me the attempts to explain or talk about UG serve to direct me back to what was, or more importantly what is, happening. Of course the other reason I wrote it is because its hard NOT to talk about UG if you’ve met him on paper, in person, on videos, and taken an interest. “Attraction is the action.”

      Take care,

      – Louis

  65. Cédric says:

    Louis, I totally agree with what you said in your reply of “August 1, 2013 at 8:00 am”.

    People who say “there is nothing to do and I can’t help you for understanding it” and who charge for that are such “bullshitters”, “big fraud”, etc. In general, people who are asking money to talk are so ridiculous to me !! I will never give a cent to hear someone talk… I don’t even buy books for years now… ( I know you wrote a book, and even if i would like to read it, i will never buy it ! ;-) ) For me words are free, every word, every sentence, nobody owns any word…

    All that “saling words” stuff is big bullshit to me. And all that “Art” thing also ! I know you work in the “world of art”, nevertheless, for me, no painting, no music, no sculpture, no book, etc. is worthing anything !! All that business is crap ! :-)

    I could ask money for food, i will never ask money to speak or to sell something “artistic”…

    Why do i tell you all of that : no idea ! :-)

    Best to you

    Cédric.

    • louisbrawley says:

      Thank you Cedric,

      Yes, we once went on a road trip to Amsterdam to see the Ladies in the windows, (prostitutes). The whole way there UG was berating us for thinking we were any the better. All work is some kind of prostitution, and art work is an exploitation, but the people being exploited in the business I’m in deserve it as far as I’m concerned, and they can afford it, even if most of it is crap. Unfortunately its too late now… if you want to survive in this world and you don’t have any money, you have to exploit the system or go hungry. Unfortunately I have to work, but am lucky enough to have a skill that allows me to make money. So I whore myself as needed, in order to eat, but nothing like those poor women who really ‘deliver the goods’ as he used to say. That’s real work, and the society shuns them as if they were evil. A prostitute has more integrity than your average holy person.

    • kidon55 says:

      You think, cedric, people who charge for talking are bullshit and artist stuff the same one. Well, they have to eat, man. Or u don´t eat? Besides, you are not obliged to listen those people or pay the ticket to see the works of arts. Maybe u are rich thanks your french wealthy parents and you have no problems about money. How lucky u are!! Life is a bullshit also. What u do here then? Take a gun and shoot yourself!!!!!

      In India, sannyasis , for example, are fed by people. What´s wrong with that? I don´t find anything strange about it. In my opinion, UG´s work was to talk, the same way as sannyasis and If i were rich and had met UG, for example, i would have supported him for his living. Be sure!!!!

      So don´t be a pain in the ass!!

      Best to u,
      Kidon

      • Branko says:

        I have friends who have judgements about taking an aspirin for a freaking headache! Kidon i guess you can get out of bed in the morning and are able to do a yoga practice. A severely depressed person cannot manage something like this. Some folks have issues with their plumbing so their chemistry is out-of-order. Drugs can help them stabilise.

        You may be encountering the general malaise (emptiness/misery/boredom, etc)
        that we all have in our core. Anything you do to avoid this feeling is kinda like taking a drug anyway. Anything can trigger this feeling.

        We all suffer the basic core (existential) misery. It is physical!

        For the body to handle this state you have to be able to sink into and FEEL it without division and interruption Most sadhanas involve observing your pain. Observation practice is out. if you are approaching it with hope of getting rid of it, that only re-enforces the whole game. I think u.g. has said that “you have to be one with the problem” and ‘Pain destroys pain’

        The body needs to be reasonably fit and strong for this kind of thing. It is a horrendous process for the “thought structure” and it can make basic functioning seem impossible at times.

        U.G. really only practiced two asana’s for a few years. Besides the Feldenkrais method is much better than Yoga. :)
        Yoga is torture.
        here is a song for you dude.

      • Cédric says:

        Dear Kidon,

        I say it’s bullshit, i don’t say it’s right or wrong, good or bad ; for me, bullshit is not wrong or bad ! ;-)

        Everybody says or does bullshit all his life !
        People do what they do, fundamentally i don’t care…

        But if i want to write some words about that, i do it, here or somewhere else, i don’t care about Kidon’s opinion about them ! ;-)

        By the way, why would you care about Cédric’s words, or about the words or the thoughts of any human being existing on this fucking planet ? Why would you ? As far as i’m concerned : i don’t care at all, i don’t care about UG’s words, Kidon’s words, Jésus’s words, you name it !

        Why do I live ? Because there is nothing to lose to live. ;-) That’s the only reason, i know there is nothing to get to live, but there is also nothing to lose to live… whatever is being lived : pain, suffering, pleasure, whatever… All our lives will be pretty soon forgotten… Our lives are nothing, but they are a nothing that has to be lived ’cause we ARE life, we will never be something else, the only thing to do is to live… but not to get something, because there is nothing to get from life…

        Best to u, in that “bullshit life” of ours ! ;-)

      • kidon55 says:

        Good explanation, Branko, short and direct. :D. I agree with you that some guys need medication because their chemistry ís out of order and so they take drugs to stabilise. I believe UG would say it in that sense.

        UG practiced two asanas ? Get up and lay down, maybe? Feldenkrais? Omg, the biggest crap I´ve ever seen in my life :D

      • kidon55 says:

        Ah, Branko, great song, I have no dudes after listening to it!!! Forget Upanishads, Gowdapada, ramana maharshi, UG… Besides I´m sure It will be the next world hit, as Hare krisha, hare krishna, krishna krishna, hare hare.

    • Janet says:

      I’ll buy a letter “a” for art, Alex.

  66. Branko says:

    Hey Janet, is that a genuine Louis Brawley image on that skirt on your Gravatar profile?
    Dudes a rockstar.

  67. Janet says:

    I’m not sure, she was happy to talk about the ripped up t-shirts she used to make it but when I asked if I could buy it, she slapped me and told me to pick on someone my own size.

  68. Branko says:

    Lol… louis puts his bodyguards through some serious training

  69. Janet says:

    Here she is before the “incident”. I hope the blood comes out in the wash.

  70. Branko says:

    Wow Faces of Philly is cool. Thanks Janet.

  71. Janet says:

    I apologize for the shameless self promotion. Thanks, Branko.

  72. Philip says:

    Hey, thanks for the Goon song Branko!, its been ages since I last heard it, got to number 1 on the pop charts in England when it was released all those many years ago, Spike Milligan (a Tortured soul) was one of the truly great comics of our time..Philip

  73. Wilco Jansen says:

    I first heard about UG in the early ’70 visiting Saanen Swiss listening to J.K. and thought the same as you (Brawley) told, this must be somekind of fake and there was a lot of fake around J.K.
    I visited J.K. in Swiss, in England and in Holland where I life. J.K.’s teaching if I may called it that way), formed my way of explaining things, but it did not changed me really and I lost interest after some years because he left you with unexplainable question and problems. Still having all that stuff in my mind for years I met an old friend who also met J.K. and after so many years asked me if I had ever heart about the other K. I told him yes, I remember his name from the ’70 and I started looking on internet for some information and found the many videos. UG told exactly about J.K. what I feld so many years ago and I understood directly his approuch, his kind of protest against any authority and concept and his doughts about all which comes from our brains.

  74. kalpana perera says:

    hi louis, i was reading and listening to jk krishnamurti for a couple of years before i stumbled upon ug there was no going back after that. but i feel i would not have been prepared for ug if not for jk.
    is this possible?
    also thank you for sharing your time with ug in your books and interviews life is so much easier …

  75. Miguel says:

    Hi louis, what was the relationship UG had with children like? Did UG ever kiss a kid? How he used to behave? Thx.

  76. Teresa says:

    Hi there Louis. I discovered UG a couple years back when I found a video on UTube while looking for J Krishnamurti videos. It was one of his last days video when he was nearing death and saying all kinds of foul things such as his parents fucked and that’s why he was here. I thought it revolting and strange that someone so close to death would speak that way and so disregarded this person. A few months ago my companion dog of almost 18 years was put in sleep (a softer way of saying releasing from her bodily pain) and it was and is devastating still. In my pain and sorrow for this being that I feel is truly interwoven like fabric to me I questioned everything about life and death and came to the conclusion that there was no God, no heaven and all my illusions about what I had believed in were possible imaginings. Again, I went on the internet looking for something I guess to comfort me and up popped UG’s videos. This time there were a whole array and I watched some from way back when he was early 60’s I am guessing and he appeared much more composed and I got his messages loud and clear. It hit me, too, like a ton of bricks and I realized what he was saying was true although one truly does feel like the very life is being shaken out of them. I had only that happen one other time and it was when I suddenly was “awakened” “dawned on me” about the food we eat, e.g. the whole using of animals and I went vegan. I am curious to read your book, however I am wondering if I do if that will only give me other knowledge to ponder upon since it’s your own knowledge. In my viewing of the videos and the quotes I read UG seemed adamant that no institutions spring up around him. One thing I am wondering though is about his seemingly different approach in the late videos and all the using of bitches and bastards and fucking. Lol did he get a little crass in his old age? Thanks. By the way I watch the videos over and over, the ones that I can see on U Tube. Teresa.

    • Teresa says:

      Sorry I rewrote my paragraph below :)

    • louisbrawley says:

      Dear Teresa,

      Yes, UG did use a lot of foul language in his later years. I got the feeling he was trying very forcefully to communicate something that politeness and reason had so far failed to. His actions were very clear while I was around him and I agree that there is a danger that my book could give you more ideas. His own words were so very clear and lucid. There are several very good books, one recently republished by Non-Duality is Courage to Stand Alone, which was recently re-edited by the original editor Ellen Chrystal, to remove her previous inserted comments. It is an excellent book as UG was at the height of his clarity and accessibility. I think later he was just as powerful, but perhaps a bit more difficult. The reason I wrote my book was to give a sense of what it was like for a person to ‘hang around’ with him. I tried very hard not to expound upon his teachings but whether or not I succeeded is anyone’s guess. I can say that it was a fantastic opportunity to review and process what happened in that five years with him. He also encouraged me to write it, so I took that as a message since he had a way of spotting unseen or unexplored talents.

      So Teresa, enjoy UG, let the misery sink in and see where it leads you!

      Best,

      Louis

      • Teresa says:

        Thanks Louis. I “think” my brain understands what UG is saying or “barking” and that is that he is just throwing out all the knowledge from his brain that has accumulated and not placing any value on it. I “think” what he is saying is that whether you believe in the gurus or what he is saying, it doesn’t matter as you are replacing what your beliefs are what something else i.e. what he is saying. I “think” what he is saying is that we are an organism just like any other organism who eats, shits and reproduces with the only other function being more advanced (possibly) is our though processes. These thoughts are born from the knowledge that we already have that was passed down to us or possibly in our DNA. The part about being in our DNA makes sense as dogs are bred for their inborn attributes. i.e. the herding dogs, the rescue dogs, the hunting dogs. Culture imposes it on us and every culture has their own form of religion. Either way we are all going to “die” or change forms and what he was saying i believe is that our atoms are still there as energy and what causes us sorrow is that our knowledge and thinking will be gone and all the things we hold to be dear. I know also what he was saying about relationships and that there are no true ones as everyone is trying to get something from the other. That sounds true as why do people have children if not to be able to control or want to love. The only true unconditional love if that’s what you want to call it is really with a different species. My dog “loved” me i know this, and all she had to do was be what she was, a dog. And even a dog barking has got something to say.

  77. Teresa says:

    Hi there Louis. I discovered UG a couple years back when I found a video on UTube while looking for J Krishnamurti videos. It was one of his last days video when he was nearing death and saying all kinds of foul things such as his parents fucked and that’s why he was here. I thought it revolting and strange that someone so close to death would speak that way and so disregarded this person. A few months ago my companion dog of almost 18 years was put in sleep (a softer way of saying releasing her from her bodily pain) and it was and is devastating still. I saw her die and the essence of her was no more. Her body was there but she was gone. Gone forever, disappeared leaving just her frail body behind. In my pain and sorrow for this being that I feel is truly interwoven like fabric to me, I questioned everything about life and death and came to the conclusion that there was no God, no beyond where we would meet again in this form and all my illusions about what I had believed in were possible imaginings. Again, I went on the internet looking for something, I guess to comfort me and up popped UG’s videos. This time there was a whole array and I watched some from way back when he was in his early 60’s I am guessing. He appears much more composed and I got his messages loud and clear. What he was saying hit me too, like a ton of bricks and I realized what he was saying was true, although I felt like the very life was being shaken out of me. I had that happen one other time and it was when I suddenly was “awakened” “dawned on me” about the food we eat, e.g. the whole using of animals and I went vegan. I am curious to read your book, however I am wondering if I do, if that will only give me other knowledge to ponder upon since it’s your own knowledge, your version. In my viewing of the videos and the quotes of UG, he seemed adamant that no institutions spring up around him. One thing I am wondering though is about his seemingly different approach in the late videos and all the language usage of bitches and bastards and fucking. Lol did he get a little crass in his old age? He impressed me that he was still sharp and could read without glasses. Thanks. By the way I watch the videos over and over, the ones that I can see on U Tube. My release, like a butterfly from the cocoon was immediate, and now, I have to learn how to fly a different way.
    Teresa.

  78. SEEMA K says:

    Mr Brawley,
    I cried when I read “I don’t even trust my fucking emotions!” in your “No More Questions…” may be because I felt the same in my life.

    Feeling to share few more lines…

    Always in our life we are in search of some kind of support, something to CLING ON… But I felt UG flies out of all these. He floats in a space with no frame… Even if we are able to understand his few sentences, that is good enough to through us into a land where we find meaning in nothing…. Anyways I do not know whether I know him or not… and it finishes there.

    Especially in India, default program of the mind in the name of CULTURE and TRADITION is so strong that I am scared I will suffer in it. As on date I do not have the guts to kick it and walk out like a vagabond, but I wish…

    Finally, thank you for making me to feel at some places that I was sitting with UG through your book NO MORE QUESTIONS.

  79. philip hawkrigg says:

    Hi there all, I was curious to know if anyone knows what U.G’s response if any was to “a sense of humor” in other words did he ever have anything to say about humor?, what it was the response of? it often seems to me that in its essence humor can be outside the field of thought as it does not seem to have the same energy or feel as with with regular emotion such as anger, sadness, happiness ect.
    I know I have seen him laughing in some of the videos I have seen of him, so I would assume he had a sense of humor, well just wondering…Philip

    • Georgiy says:

      Having a sense of humor is still part of thought. It is just temporary relief in my opinion which gives us the feeling that we are touching life but in fact the thoughts are still functioning in the forefront instead of letting the body takes its natural course. Anything holy, unholy, good or bad that we put in our consciousness it adds impurities to it. ( At least that is how I understood it when listening or reading on U.G.)

    • louisbrawley says:

      I think he had a good sense of humor. He also made some pretty funny comments toward the end of his life, like his comic timing was pretty good. I don’t know how much of that was intentional. He did a wicked imitation of JK which was hilarious at least to those of us around him. He certainly always liked a clown around. He had a dear friend named Bramacharia who would sit and joke with him for hours.

  80. jb says:

    funniest guy i never knew

  81. Dr.(who gives a shit anymore) Clyde Shreve says:

    Hi Louis! I think this is my 3rd contribution to your Blog. Once again I shall attempt to enter the flames that you keep stoking on U.G.’s behalf completely aware that almost certain dissolution may be my fate this time.

    I introduced U.G. to a friend over the weekend, including your remarkable book, “Goner”. A copy is on the way to him. His brother is an internationally acclaimed particle physicist.

    I wrote the short following as a sort of summing up.

    Dear Roger, As my understanding allows, modern day physics and science represents the philosophical yearnings of man to grasp the meaning of life, and what it has to do with him… whether from a cosmological, eschatological, or even a spiritual point of view. ( I don’t necessarily like to use the term ‘spiritual’. It reminds me of the Old English Law concept of the “Red Herring” analogy. Nefarious ones of less than noble purpose in middle-age England would tie a fish to a fox’s tail and let him go in order to throw the Sheriff’s tracking hounds off their trail.).

    It just seems to me that the very frontiers of modern science, particularly Quantum Mechanical Theory in physics (other branches of science as well), i. e., Einstein’s work, Heisenberg’s “Uncertainty Principle,” seem to ultimately converge with the philosophical /religious traditions that were postulated and imbibed by the ancients, especially the Hindus sages.

    I look carefully at his body of teachings, trying to extract the underlying essence of U. G. Krishnamurti’s insights, and conclude that he understood, perhaps on levels I can’t imagine, the nature of ultimate things, that are also being affirmed, at least in bits and peaces, by the best and brightest of modern -day researchers. Taken as a whole He, U.G., has and is bringing, to at least my understanding, profound insights that sheds brilliance upon the very foundational realities in which we live our seemingly ordinary lives. We are offered through him promise that we may be freed from the many ties-that- bind. You and I have talked much about the sense of feeling bound, tattered and torn as we trudge through daily life.

    Incidentally, as I read it today, many conclude that Quantum Mechanical Theory is no longer fettered as theory, but fact, as quantified on the sub-atomic level.

    Just one specific…when it’s all said and done, both physics and mathematics, and U.G., in my opinion in a perhaps more intuitive way, also understand that an object’s (any object) existence is ultimately called into question, especially when filtered through the brain /mind.

    Where does this realization leave you and I? Ahhhh…U.G. calls it ‘FREEDOM'; Heisenberg, “the uncertainty Principle.”

    Finally, the scientist have their equations, and U.G. his Nihilism.

    Good night Roger, excuse the typos…it’s late. Clyde Shreve

    • louisbrawley says:

      Thanks for sharing this with me Clyde. I hope you don’t get your hopes up that he will have a clue what you are talking about… I often find the most well presented cases for the insights you are describing fall on deaf ears. The threat is so deep that the self protective mechanism will worm it out and retreat to neat theories out of self defense at the most opportune moment in the slickest way. be prepared and all the same, thanks for sharing this man. – Louis

  82. Dr.(who gives a shit anymore) Clyde Shreve says:

    Thanks Louis for your advise in regards to introducing U.G. to others.

    I’m reminded of a song from the 60’s sung by a group of insects from from the order of Coleptera…I shall transpose a word or two:

    “When I find myself at times of
    trouble
    U.G. comes to me
    Speaking words of wisdom, let it
    be
    And in my heart of darkness
    He is standing right in front of me
    Speaking words of wisdom,
    Let it be
    Let it be.” Clyde

  83. Dr.(who gives a shit anymore) Clyde Shreve says:

    Louis, I feel so presumptuous really for taking so much of your space on this blog. I don’t understand or make much sense out of why U.G. has come to dominate so much of me, my waking and especially sleeping parts. One first reason that attracted me to him were his attacks on metaphysical /sentimental hogwash in his writings and teachings…now look at the mess I’ve become. The intensity of this is quite overwhelming. It’s gone from just remembering his words and the delight in them, from a couple of yr’s back, to as if he’s so present with me in day to day, and night-time dreams (like the immediate last night). It’s not funny or trite, or easy anymore; or something to rationalize away as silliness of brain scramble. I can’t account for this love I have for him or longing for him, or sense of integration with him, true or not.

    I know he said all this stuff about not having anything to offer anyone, and deflecting implications that he was some kind of teacher or Guru, but what ‘on’ hell is happening when he seemed so acutely “There” last night (and many others), in my sleep even? This is completely strange, like nothing that has ever happened to me before. It’s just as if I have boarded Marlin Brando’s “Street Car Named Desire” and this ‘toothless totally loving wonder’ is at the helm, and this most strange ‘me’ is melting into a pool of tears, sitting in a seat just behind him, totally not caring, in heaven or hell, where he’s taking me. I am embarrassed by all this sentimentalism on the one hand, but totally out of my mind by the rapture on the other. I don’t know how the hell to say it!

    I can only thank you Louis for this space; this safe place that I love you for. I think that’s one reason I continually re-read your book, Goner; I feel safe when I do.

    A few nights ago I awoke from one of those U.G. dreams in the middle of somewhere, and the following words flew from my fingers:

    AN ODE To U. G. kRISHNAMURtI

    “Oh say can you see the dawning
    Of his ephemeral light,
    Amongst the birthing of holiday flares,
    With ascending multicolored eruptions
    Of sparks and thunder?

    All too quickly silenced,
    In the ban of ordinariness.

    But oh can you see the simultaneity
    Of exquisite Silence,
    Not unlike a river in spate and fury,
    With all it’s gesticulations and contrariness?

    But running through it all,
    Silent witness of the mystic chords
    Of the present,
    In which we and the silence share, both darkness and light,
    In the citadel of U.G.”s transparency.

    And our inexplicable satisfaction.
    Clyde

  84. louisbrawley says:

    Dear Clyde, UG used to say to people going trough similarly confusing storms of feeling for him or what he was saying or doing or what not… “Its out of my hands. Its out of your hands. Just leave it alone.” and presumably let it do what it will do… Thank you Clyde, for hanging out here.

  85. Epil.Io says:

    ңello, coոstantly i used to check blɡ posts here in the early hours in the daylight, as i enjoу to find out morre and more.

    • sharbra says:

      Interesting use of the c,omma. World Mind must be having a glitch today.
      Sounds like You could use some of my mothers famous Borscht.

      The Full Moon makes our skull consciousness go haywire. I believe my clown chakra
      is highly activated this evening.

      If you’re Anonymous, i think i liked your old stuff better than your new stuff.

  86. louisbrawley says:

    Funny, I read this on the full moon two months later. Guess I’m a little slow…

  87. Hey Buster oh sorry St. Louis oh sorry Mr. Brawley (UG pointing you to the old guy on the road said they are the reason your town is named Brawley, lovely!)

    Reading ‘The Final travels Of U.G’ for past 2 days. Honestly while I ordered this book I had the waiting or what we call I was very Impatient as ‘when will the book arrive’?. In the past only once I had the same sensation when I ordered Alan Watts book. Anyways and I am glad I ordered it!

    Some of the writing in the book made me really laugh out loud in my room! Especially the quote about ‘Being Born in Middle Class’ and one more when you were showing your painting slides to U.G and he said ‘Boring’. I can relate his expression after seeing his videos and the way he reacted. Made me laugh a lot and I re-read the sentence again! There are many things in the book which are really nice, reason is you are not professional writer(but you should keep writing for sure) so that add’s honesty and some language which people like me can easily understand or relate it to!

    My only wish or desire is hope you make some money with it(I really mean it). Because it is really good work to read if anyone want’s a description of how that man lived on day-to-day basis. I mean like really in the middle of the world with nothing to hide or no secret.

    After I will complete the book I will write you more!

    Thanks for writing the book!

    • louisbrawley says:

      Thanks Graspingofsand! What a name!

      • Hello Sir. It might sound a bit weird but read the book 2 times! My desire for a state of permanence is currently valid as far as books are concerned! Sometimes I never want them to end!

        In your book I wouldn’t mind if it had trilogy or numerous parts! Also one thing I missed in the book were photographs! Wish you had included some photograph’s of yours or UG.
        And sorry to say but i envy you seriously! I also don’t know how much it would take to stay with UG as I never been through the situation but yes you are lucky in that matter.

        Anyways not a major problem but I read you are planning to publish a new book. Really want to know more about it and how long till it get releases? Also it would be nice if you provide some rough idea about the book. Also read it will include photograph’s. Well so count me as the person to order it as soon as it arrives!

        Cheers Mr. Brawley! Keep writing…..

      • louisbrawley says:

        THanks, I try to, lets see what that means! Argh.

  88. Vani Nagesh says:

    Dear Louis

    I am one of UGs devotee or fan what ever you call. I have read almost all the books about him many times and have also watched all the videos available on you tube . Now I can not live even a second without UGs remembrance . You are so lucky that you spent time with him when he was alive.

    I have few questions would you please answer those questions?

    In one of the writings about UG , it is mentioned
    “In that process of flushing out you have all these visions. It’s not a vision outside
    there or inside of you. Suddenly, your whole consciousness takes the shape of those people
    who have come into this state. Not great men, not the leaders of mankind, it is very strange,
    but only those people to whom this kind of a thing happened.
    Hundreds of people, probably something happened to so many hundreds of people. This is
    part of history–so many rishis, some Westerners, monks, so many women, and sometimes
    very strange things. You see, all that people have experienced before you is part of your
    consciousness. They run out of your consciousness because they cannot stay there any more,because all that is impurity, a contamination there.

    My question is whom UG was referring as great men and leaders of mankind ?

    In another conversation he used tell shoot all the doctors and 40 of them died who came to test me. Who were those 40 doctors and what test did they do?

    Thanks

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hello Vani,

      Thank you for your note. I think any interest in UG is a lucky thing.

      I don’t know who he was referring to when he used the expression “Great Men”. I suppose he must have meant the world leaders and famous philosophers and scientists we all celebrate as great men. I’m sure it is no more complicated than that. The more interesting piece of that quote was that you will probably never hear about most of the ones who “came into this thing.” As to the doctors comment, there were not 40 doctors. I think this comment was his way of blasting the medical community and the arrogance of doctors. That’ was my understanding in any case.

      Take care!

      Louis

  89. YeahMWHATIM says:

    I bough this book and its the best thing I have ever done in my life!

    I am just blown away reading every chapter of this Book. Its just so amazing that you gave up everything to be with an Entity supreme being named UG. The patience that you had every time you were slapped,beaten, cornered etc. I was thinking “Man is this even possible that a person is put down so much and still carries on ” and then I read the next few lines where you mention or I can say interpret what goes on in your head at that exact point when you are facing all that you are facing,I think yes damn it You are right St Louis!.The description of each moment spent with UG as explained written by you is so gripping amazing out of this god damn world. The thought that he explains about suffering is so brutal and yet so full of truth,it took a new meaning explained by you

    I say everyone should read this book. This is everything that one should read at the lease once.

    I can go on but I will stop here. Louis Brawley Sir! You are the Man You definitely kick some major Ass and You rock!

  90. Raju Menon says:

    Enjoyed reading the book. Very very touching. Saw some of the youtube videos with a new perspective. The money maxims were too good!. Thanks a lot for writing this book. I had read Mahesh’s “A Life” and your book fills in most of the gaps left by Mahesh in his book. Chandrasekhar, when I met him last, a couple of months back in Mumbai, had told me that Mahesh had undergone some serious experiential changes around UG. When I started reading UG’s books, I had already gone through several years of Vedanta studies and had gone through some of the non-dual writers (Tony Parsons etc) books. What UG did essentially for me was to tip me over the edge of the cliff. I dont have any more desire to read or listen to anybody anymore. Except when a book like yours comes along :) Thank you once again. Warm regards.

  91. Barry says:

    I love UG;
    No one points out what he does;
    Ramana, Nisargadatta, all the gods past and present………there are always abstract notions…..very attractive for those who want such things;

    it was Jed Mckenna who got through to me that that none of any of that is any more than imagination………..fuck, why didn’t I notice that before;

    Do I want pleasing fantasies? No F——- way!

    I’ve had that all my life and I’m a f—— mess;

    That was it! All non duality trinkets and baubles out the window, all computer files deleted;

    What do I do now, I’d love to hear someone speaking something that cuts right through to my guts like an Eddie Van Halen guitar solo…………. ahhhhhhhhhh…………”UG” ……oh god, it’s so good to hear you again!!

    I’m just gonna hang out with you for the foreseeable! xxx

  92. Barry says:

    Hi Lokkur,
    if you send me your email address, I can send you an mp3 clip that I think is extremely useful for anyone who wants to eliminate much or all of what can have a person chasing their own tail forever (what U.G. calls ‘the marketplace’) ………..

    ‘Have The Courage to Stand Alone’………………seems about the most powerful ‘pointer’ I’ve ever heard;

    Barry

  93. philip says:

    Hi Barry I wonder if you have ever read “Self gives meaning to things no self takes it away” by Jean-Michel Terdjman you might find that quite interesting, one of my favorite books, he knew U.G. and was heavily influenced by him, a brilliant look at the self, and what it means to have a self, where the self it comes from and arises and what it means to not have a self, I can highly recommend this book..Philip

    • Barry says:

      Hi Philip,
      how strange I should receive your words….they strike terror into my body. (oh no…..not more reading..please)…..but here they are, and having just found and read a bit of the writer you’ve mentioned, I’m going to follow your suggestion………

      thank you very much for sending your message,

      Barry

  94. Philip says:

    I hope you enjoy it as much as I did Barry, I am on my third read thru of it, as there is a lot to grasp in his book, ( I believe it was part of his doctoral thesis) I would be interested to know what you think of it. I know that when he describes how as a very young boy he came into a sense of self, it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, as it brought up some long ago forgotten memories of when I was also very young and had a similar experience, as I think we all must have had.
    take care…Philip

    • Barry says:

      Hi Philip,
      this book is like nothing I’ve read before……It’s as though it’s erasing the idea of myself as being a ‘who’ thing, and replacing it with a sense of being a ‘what’ thing;
      I’m just 4 chapters in and I’m right into seeing where this goes…………..already quite an adventure;

      Do you have any idea if there is a copy around in any other form than kindle? at the moment I can only read it on laptop; I’ve been copying to word doc, but have reached copy limit after Ch. 8;

      I’m thinking of buying the Kindle file over again enough times until I have the whole book…..if Amazon don’t have a way of preventing that;

      best wishes,

      Barry

  95. Philip says:

    HI Barry glad to see that you are finding his book as interesting as I did (my sense of self finds that quite gratifying :) ) I believe that kindle is the only format that the book comes in, I did however see a free app on the right hand side of the kindle download page that works with windows versions and apple and mac laptops, tablets, phones ect, you might want to also call the amazon tech help line they might be able to help you, the tech service for amazon is really very good, hope that helps…Philip

    • Barry says:

      Thanks Philip, I’ll check that amazon app out; as for the book, it seems as though it’s negated any confidence the mind thing had in itself as a knower of things (and most other peoples ‘knowings’ too)…..it (mind) has gone very quiet all of a sudden;
      Barry

  96. Philip says:

    Ah, see, now that’s what I felt too when reading his book, kind of like being slapped in the face with a large wet kipper, it stuns the mind into an odd state of quietness. similar to the effect that some of U.G ‘s statements have on me when I read them. I feel that I am being presented with the base line of reality and that there is nowhere else to go…Philip

  97. Philip says:

    Jean-Michel Terdjman mentions her in his book, I was looking for it on amazon ( collision with the infinite) but it was not on kindle and they wanted huge sums of money for second hand copies of her book. he seemed to think that she was another example of someone like U.G. who no longer had a sense of self, is that the impression that you got from reading her book? reading her interview that you sent me the link to (thanks by the way) there seemed to be some parallels between what she said and what U.G. had to say …Philip

    • Barry says:

      I have a copy which you can read if you want If so, give me your address and I’ll post it to you; send it back after reading…………..Barry

  98. philip says:

    Hi Barry, I will try my local library see if they can get it for me, if not I will take you up on your kind offer, thanks…Philip

  99. Louis,

    I just finished your book and wanted to let you know I really enjoyed it. It was great to have you out there next to him as a ‘stunt double’ for the rest of us! I discovered UG for myself probably around the same time you did, but never (perhaps thankfully ;) made the effort to meet or otherwise contact him. I still remember watching the first video when someone mentioned him off-handedly in a martial arts forum. Watching that video, if nothing else, immediately killed my desire to seek wisdom from books, be they religious, New Age, psychological or otherwise. I of course went on to watch and read all the other materials and still do from time to time, but it only re-enforced the basic message (for lack of a better word) or feeling that I got from the first one. Many times since I have started down some tempting path, spiritual or otherwise, and heard the words, ‘No way out!’ in my thoughts. With a smile, the whole thing relaxes, and if I continue, it’s with an air of curiosity rather than desperation. He really helped me to relax and focus on living life, and letting the Great Unknowns take care of themselves. Any attempt to ‘figure out’ a way ‘out of the maze’ only makes the walls higher and stronger.

    Why am I even talking about this? You know the routine!

    Thanks for writing the book, and best wishes for your success in the future, come what may.

    Take Care!

    -Kent

  100. vince says:

    Louis, I could not put your book down. Reading it second time with a hiliter. You write very well. I had read quite a few other UG writings but yours stands way above all others. In its “memoir like” style , I appreciated your own very honest thoughts at the time of a certain event/ situation. I was curious to know who others stayed with him for such long periods and what their reactions were? I wonder you described Yogini as married on p. 31. Her name sounds like Indian, it may have been a given name by some Guru before meeting UG. Your personal observations/ feelings about Y made the reading so much more authentic. Her comment,” I want him to dissolve me” on p.232. How can someone have such deep spiritual love!

    I also was curious, why UG was traveling so much. Was it at the request of some friends in those countries or he just got bored in one place?

  101. Ben Brimley says:

    Hi Louis. It’s been interesting reading your comments here and your book. I was wondering whether you had an opinion on any of the western teachers? I am thinking along the lines of Richard Rose, Douglas Harding and others.

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hi,

      I know a lot of people who are interested in these guys but I can’t say I have had much exposure to them. No opinion on them. i mean I have one, but its no use to anyone but me!! Hah!

  102. philip says:

    Douglas Harding was an interesting guy, as he appeared to have experienced the same sort of headlessness that U.G. reported he underwent. The experiments on his web site that he developed (free and easy to do) are worth checking out if you are interested in experiencing headlessness, they do appear to work in giving you a sense of it, however Harding stopped there and never went any further with it, to go further with it I think you would have to just let the whole thing go, other wise you are still firmly inside the field of thought or at least so it seems to me.

  103. BRanko says:

    Hey, why would you recommend that Harding stuff to anybody? we all want Louis to keep his head or else we don’t get the next book of his travels as Mr Goner. a headless writer walking round the streets is kinda scary.

    Whats so good about having no head anyway? It sounds like a boundary dysfunction. i can understand the attraction for sure. Most ‘spiritual’ types might fare better with strengthening their boundaries instead of fooling around with perceptions/headless techniques. Horse-Shit mate.

    No matter how expanded your consciousness gets (in breakthrough moments) you will always return to the baggage compartment (painful core) and on and on the pendulum swings. So fuck it
    Pray to the invisible man up there and be done with it. I hope the fascination with various techniques and teachings falls off like a dried up scab… well maybe, if we’re painfully lucky.

    Haven’t seen a post for a while. Maybe some paintings occurring . I liked it when Louis said “Narrow is the Gate that leads to life” that was cool.

  104. philip says:

    If you had no head then you would not need a rear view mirror, plus no one could sneak up behind you :)

  105. Ben Brimley says:

    I think you might be right BRanko. Instinctively to me it seems different to what UG is talking about. They seem to recommend chasing some sort of mystical transcendental experience through various techniques, it all seems very fancy. Rather than saying life and needs would be far simpler and easier to meet if we didn’t think about that along with all the rest. I prefer the latter approach I think, perhaps it’s less magical but it seems to be more honest.

  106. BRanko says:

    Yeah. “My background is worthless. What i did and didn’t do has no meaning” as the old man emphasised. i guess that includes headless states too.

    There’s a conversation with U.G. blasting someone for saying they experienced 360 degree vision. He confirms that its impossible. The physical eye can only do 180 degrees.
    You may be in an expanded state and have a tremendous high that feels panoramic for sure.
    it falls under the temporary relief banner and maybe in the religious conversion category.
    we know there is no-I but the fucker persists and persists… with a G.I. Joe Kung Fu Grip

    I like the word reification at the moment. U.G. was always nuking the tendency of the nervous system/Thought that solidifies ideas/concepts and positions. Skeet shooting as he called it. its a word i would never use in conversation, It’s too philosophical.

    what i love is that he emphasises the natural anger of the body. To me this is much more liberating than ‘spiritual states’. Real anger cuts to the chase. Its a hard thing to allow for many of us and U.G. has really opened that door up for me. ITs not the bitter and twisted anger/resentment we carry.

  107. philip says:

    As you say BRanko all these spiritua/expanded states are just distractions, the I always remains no matter how exalted the experience, buyer beware!

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