People appear and dissapear.

New neighbors upstairs were asking about the book. “Oh, what did you write about?” so I ventured a brief summary. Turns out we were most likely in the same audience at Madison Square Garden to see JK speak in 1984. I told them about UG and JK as briefly as possible. These connections keep popping up around me.

People often ask me what changed in me after UG. I don’t know what to tell them except that my whole way of living changed. I can only mark this by externals. That has mostly to do with simple functioning reality, as in the capacity for travel, less anxiety about achieving things. He pointed out that being a nobody is unacceptable to most of us. We want to be extraordinary, which of course he was, but mostly in the sense that he was content to be exactly the way he was. There was no longer a striving for anything. This sounds easy and the fake examples of this claim are everywhere, but this was something I saw in its own unique light by spending time with him. The extent of it went much farther than I could have expected. Like ripples in a pool, since his death the implications of his words continue expanding in every area of my life. None of these areas are available to words.

The notion that if you do nothing. … well the mysterious process of freeing oneself from this dilemma cannot be solved by the intellect.

Once that is faced there is a tremendous relief from the burden I have been carrying.

If that process of accumulation begins to slow down, then there is no telling what can happen…

… and there is nothing I can do to slow it down.

But these things keep happening. The evidence is never in favor of thoughts, always in favor of what I had not anticipated happening or being the case.

Moods repeat, ideas repeat, expectations repeat. These are manifestations of the memories that generate them, but they are weaker. His presence took a toll on the fake parts of reality and the rest he would not, and I can not, explain.

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