Purple notes

After my first night in the apartment I discovered an envelope on the bedside table with my name on it. Inside was a Five Hundred Euro note, pale purple, funny color after a life time of using green currency. The pale green 100 notes look equally unconvincing, like play money, only with more serious consequences. This sense of them was enhanced by watching UG handle these peculiar pieces of paper like toys. I remember him walking through an airport in Italy actually, where I find myself today, flourishing a bundle in his hand. There he was, a frail-looking old man, waving the cash in someone’s face as a joke. Most people hide money, conceal it carefully in a pocket or a purse. There he was showing it off, waving it around like a lunatic. He was fearless about money along with everything else.  More than once he handed a child a 50 euro note in a cafe by the side of the road just because he was moved to. The child’s mother flew into a panic for some reason and had to be assured that UG only wanted to give the money, he didn’t expect anything in return.

This apartment is large and elegant like the set of a an Italian movie.  I am here because of someone who read the book I wrote about him. They needed a cat watcher. How fortuitous. Now I’m here for a couple months, trying to write another book. People ask me all the time about sales, but I hate to think about it. Seems like this is the kind of doors that book has opened, the unexpected opportunities to interact with other people interested in him. Its richer than cash flow, although there is no doubt that is essential. Used to be I couldnt get anything to work in my life, now things fall into place despite what I do or do not do. The less effort I make the easier life is.

I took my new friends up to Gstaad before coming here in order to show them where I met UG and also so they could meet some other friends of his. We talked to them about UG for a total of 17 hours 0ut of 20. The Chalet where I met UG all those years has been demolished, “a great big hole in the ground” was the way he described the sight of the Grand Canyon. I would describe him that too way but it’s to simplistic. Anyway, there goes one more item of sentimental value checked off the list. What remains is life. That’s something so big since meeting him that the house is a moot point. It was weird to see that hole, but the space he cleared in my life has more than made up for the loss of some building where things happened a long time ago. As a matter of fact, the memory of all those events is entered into the computer already, so the outside reference is irrelevant now.


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77 Responses to Purple notes

  1. chris says:

    he was the reason i went to gstaad, as i wanted to see the place for myself…gstaad is really beautiful…but expensive..

  2. dr.Uday Puranik says:

    …””..but the space cleared in my life…..:” is the only fact.

  3. pete schorgl says:

    like your stuff, Louis. . .thanx

  4. Dr.(who gives a shit anymore) Clyde Shreve says:

    Louis, like the imagery above in reference ‘to the hole in the ground’, through the repeated re-readings of your experiences with U.G. in your wonderful book (now your blog too), it’s as if there is a hole inside of me that is filled with him. I often sense His presence in some pretty crazy ways. I know it sounds like there is an old retired med/doc out there that should immediately check himself into the local psyche ward at the hospital. In actuality i don’t have the foggiest notion on how to express what seems to be strange happenings with a dead man who was himself the epitome of weirdness. Clyde

    • louisbrawley says:


      I would agree. For me the oddness of his impact is unmistakable and disarmingly ordinary. Ordinary in the sense that it is so grounded in the overlooked obvious, that it rings true. That’s a lot of O words.. funny,

      thanks for writing me Doc,


  5. Philip says:

    Hi Louis, good to hear that you are working on your new book, I shall look forward to reading it very much. Talking of books, I just read the biology of Enlightenment by Rao Mukunda, I found it very interesting that in the early conversations with U.G after he had undergone his calamity he really tried to explain (as much as he could) what he had undergone and how he viewed the world after the change.
    He appeared to be much more open to talking about such things back then, than he was later on, he probably got fed up with people asking him the same questions over and over again!
    Also read the book: “Self gives meaning to things, no- self takes it away” (a really great title) by Jean-Michel Terdjman a fascinating look at the self and what it means to have no self and how the self comes about, a much (to my mind) underappreciated book, I found it quite interesting his description of what it was like when he was a small child and how he remembers what it was like to have no self and then suddenly become aware that he was a self. I guess his book was quite heavily influenced by U.G as he knew him and hung around him back in the 70’s if you have read the book I wonder what your take on it was? All the best…Philip

    • louisbrawley says:


      For some reason I don’t quite get, I don’t recall seeing this post until today. I will have to look for that book Phillip. Thanks for the tip.

      all the best,


      • Philip says:

        Jean-Michel Terdjman also wrote a article on the main U.G. website entitled: Neither Knowledge nor wisdom. one of the best short descriptions of U.G I have ever read.

  6. Branko says:

    THere is a ‘No-Self’ state that you can experience
    Your usual sense of self is absent and it’s kinda ‘No-Selfie’

    Many enlightened goons base a teaching on this experience to pull the chicks.
    with a bit of skill, you can build a nest here and become a master hypnotist
    workshop leader.

    Gangaji does it to pay for her plastic surgery for sure.
    it is a cool thing to experience, kinda peaceful but usually disappears when the phone rings.

    Self and No-Self are one unit.. I fink so anyway

    I think this is Jean-Michel chatting with u.g.
    It’s freaking Mind-Blowing!
    around the 30min mark.

  7. philip says:

    thanks for the link Branko, which one was Jean Michael? if I had to guess I would say it was the guy off to left in the plaid shirt with glasses…Philip

    • Branko says:

      Hi Philip,
      I think it is the french sounding guy sitting with u.g. on the couch. I am not 100% sure.
      I have seen him in other videos and he usually gets into the nitty gritty philosophical stuff.
      He also stars in ‘U.G. and the Goners in California’

      • philip says:

        Ha! just goes to show you that often the images we have of people and things are totally false.

  8. Branko says:

    I really like the chats those two fellows have. You can see the talks are quite fundamental and formative to the stuff Jean-Michel writes about.

    • philip says:

      I really like jean-Michael’s writings about the self and how it comes about, to my mind I think he pretty much nailed it. I also have to say that although I never met U.G. his words have had a profound effect on me, at times when I think about what U.G. has to say my thoughts will skitter away from what he has said like water being poured into a red hot frying pan, and some part of me knows that if I was to ever understand/experience what it was he was trying to convey, then I would instantly die to myself and there would be no more Philip, a terrifying reality for the self to look at.

  9. Branko says:

    Sometimes u.g. would tell folks to drop dead. He wasn’t being insulting.
    He makes it quite clear that you not only die to yourself (psychologically), you will actually physically die– as in turning grey and shit. I have a vague recollection of Nisaragdatta mentioning
    the dying thing in one of the books. He was very casual about it as in “Hey, did you physically die?” “thats, the sorta thing that happens.”

    No thanks! they can keep that death shit to themselves 🙂
    i enjoy the pain of the pleasure movement that i am, from head to toe 🙂

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U.G. on the 9th!
    I know You’re out there somewhere!

    • chris says:

      was reading your post and i just thought, if UG died and somehow returned, in a way he was the living answer to the age old question of life after death…somehow that makes me smile… imagining church or temples filled with people praying for a longer life and wondering where they would go once they died and then they hear someone shout
      ‘ YOU SEE NOTHING!!’

  10. louisbrawley says:

    Thanks for that lead Philip. I watched it again and noticed Jean Michel. I wonder what ever happened to him… seems like a serious fellow, very good points.

  11. Branko says:

    Dear Louis, I have a post-it note right in front of my noggin here and i never slow down enough to read the whole quote i have on it . It’s from a talk with one of your friends… the mad scientist fellow, i think his name is Doctor Mirabilis –

    You are always adding momentum to that mechanism, to that thinking process, by
    convincing yourself that maybe a little more clarity, a little more knowledge, a little more this, a little more that, is going to solve the problem tomorrow. That tomorrow will never come. Because it is not thought, it is not thinking, it is not intellectual understanding—none of these things will help you to see this at all.
    Slowing down is the only way. Not analysing. Not trying to get rid of it. Nothing. Slowing down is “I am helpless”—truly, honestly. The moment you say, “I am helpless,” the movement that creates an alternative, your needing help, here or there, by doing this or that, is not there, so you are really helpless, you begin to slow down.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Where are all the U.G. widows going these days? They seem to be endlessly repeating what he said both in their heads and in little U.G. satsangs where they share their memories of him and cynicism of anything else. What a way to end up!

  13. Branko says:

    It’s even worse than that anon… i find myself sitting on park benches and asking old ladies to look at the swelling.

  14. Branko says:

    Ah, all in good fun… Anon you i know i have a lot of time and love for ya… and i mean that without any swelling.

  15. Philip says:

    A short while ago I was walking my wife’s dog to the local park, he is a standard poodle, a beautiful looking dog but quite high strung. Anyways, on the walk to the park my mind is thinking about what U.G said about how you can never really see anything for what it truly is, deep in thought I got to the park and in the middle of this park was a long row of trees and I was looking at one particular tree, a rather gnarled specimen and suddenly I had no idea of what it was that I was looking at, it looked totally and utterly alien as if I had never seen a tree before in my life the word “tree” had no connection with what I was looking at. I was in a Very strange state of mind indeed.
    When all of a sudden, the dog pulled sharply on his leash, he had found something in the long grass and was chewing on it, startling me out of my odd state of mind, I looked down to see what it was he had found, I kid you not, he was happily chewing on a large, about 12 inches long floppy plastic dildo, god only knows what it was doing there, my strange state of mind completely fled as I tried with my shoe to nudge it out of his mouth, but the furry little bastard would not let go of it for love nor money. A stubborn, very stubborn dog when he gets something in his mouth. In the end unable to relive him of his new chew toy I had to walk back to my house through my crowded neighborhood with the dildo hanging out of his mouth, to say that I received some strange looks from passerby’s was an understatement.
    I am not sure what the point, if anything was to that rather strange episode other than to perhaps demonstrate that the universe or something has a very strange sense of humor indeed, if anyone can shed any light on it I am all ears….Philip

  16. louisbrawley says:

    The story is as priceless as it is inexplicable Philip. At least to me!

  17. Branko says:

    Man that is funny. I don’t think i will ever forget that one. Dildo Shakti… The Way of the Dildo

  18. Dr.(who gives a shit anymore) Clyde Shreve says:

    Louis, you have mentioned that you have read Nisargadatta Maharag. In your opinion was he a “Goner”…not with-standing the epic particularity of the topic of your Blog? How in the kingdoms of heaven or hell can one compare UG to anyone, or anything for that matter? Doc

    • Anonymous says:

      Please try to ask yourself the same question. How can you compare anyone to anyone?

      And, btw, the term ‘goner’ was used by UG to describe someone who was a hopeless believer, not someone who snapped out of the dream. Although, I could see it used in this context, too.

    • Janet says:

      I don’t know what brought me back to this post but it’s your comment about whether or not we can really compare UG to anyone that caught my attention, Doc. Also, Anonymous’ question if we can compare anyone to anyone. It’s so odd that I was grappling with these same questions just the other day, so much so, I actually sat down to try to write something coherent about the subject. I didn’t get very far. I live in the city and I was distracted by explosions in the street. I couldn’t tell right off if it was gun fire or fireworks that took my attention away.

      (this may sound rambling but hold on, the subject comes back)

      I grabbed my iPhone and dashed down the stairs to the street below. I guess I wanted to get a shot at whoever might shoot me. Upon exiting my doorway, I asked out loud to no one in particular, “Is that fireworks?!” A young couple was standing a few steps away enjoying a smoke in the “off the beaten track” alley street where I live. The woman started talking about the skyline of my city and a spontaneous conversation ensued. You know how sometimes people are just drawn to each other? It was like that and we were soon talking about how chance meetings can be such a wonderful thing. Call me crazy but I invited these two, Maryann and P.J. up to my place for a drink. I generally trust my instincts and I was not disappointed by their company.

      As we were jabbering away, Maryann was suddenly overwhelmed by some kind of striking resemblance between P.J. and me.
      “YOU ARE JUST LIKE HIM”, she exclaimed.
      I was clueless about the connection. Most of my conversation was with Maryann.
      “When is your birthday?!!!”, Maryann demanded.
      “May”, I respond as I’m puttering in the kitchen.
      “May WHAT?!!!”, she implores.
      “May, 12”.
      “Oh my God! Oh my God. This is so weird!”
      “My birthday is May 12”, P.J. interjected.
      “And mine is 12/5”, Maryann added breathlessly.

      I guess someone CAN compare someone to someone else as Maryann did with P.J. and me. But with UG … I’m still flummoxed. Sure lists of similarities and differences can be made. But the curious kind of recognition that revealed itself to me that night … well, perhaps UG is like no one or like everyone to me.

      • Anonymous says:

        Why fixate on UG? Or, fixate on anyone or anything for that matter? Nothing but trouble awaits. 🙂 That is a worn-out highway filled with smoke and mirrors.

      • sharbra says:

        Why not fixate on U.G.?
        All thought is fixation. That’s what it does. It fixates! that is it’s job.

        Fixating on U.G. is better than fixating on the size of your arse 🙂

      • Anonymous says:

        Spoken like a true believer, or should I say Goner? Always justifying and twisting belief to suit your mood. It’s like reaching for the bottle. Drunk on dreams. Cheers.

      • Branko says:

        What’s wrong with the size of your ass? That’s what i wanna know…
        Just think of all the energy gone into hating your tired body.
        Goner? Yessir!

      • Anonymous says:

        In case you haven’t noticed, what you think makes little difference. UG is not a life raft to hold on to. He is the ocean pulling you in. Where is your arse, then? Why do you persist in rhetoric when you are drowning? He never asked anyone to fixate on him or anyone else, not even suggested it. You are not doing anyone a favor by suggesting it, yet so many who have come in contact with him remain in that frozen state of fixation. Let it all go.

      • Janet says:

        Anon, where is this sober island you are fixing letters to this (UG) page from? What is this you offer to save us from our tired swimming in the UG ocean? How much does it cost? Do I recognize you as Tega Genie?

      • Anonymous says:

        Janet, is that what I’m offering? I don’t think so. I’m only pointing at the grasping for some kind of salvation that some people think comes with fixating on UG. Am I wrong? I’m not selling anything and I don’t know what Tega genie is. I’m just speaking about what I see. Anyone can disagree and explain why they disagree. Irony and sarcasm don’t have to be involved.

    • Janet says:

      The irony is that there is always someone who comes back to UG pages over and over again to point out other’s fixation on UG. What is it that has you googling UG blogs to warn of our grasping at salvation other than to try to save us from the pointless grasping? Don’t want to throw out the “T” word just yet, but it has crossed my mind. Sorry I confused you with someone else.

      • Anonymous says:

        I’m just interested in the way people have interpreted this man and what they do with it, how they play it out. My comments could be used as a reminder of what we all tend to do, grasp. But, somehow, they get turned into attacks and then you begin to defend. There is nothing personal here about what I’m saying. They are just observations, but if you think they are arrows, of course your defenses will be activated. It’s up to you how you choose to interpret all this. You also can’t look in my eyes and see that I mean you no harm. This format is not an optimum way to talk about this stuff. Btw, I don’t do this professionally, lol. I like your artwork. Much better than Louis’. Shh, don’t say anything.

  19. Philip hawkrigg says:

    Some of the things that Nisargadatta Maharag said seemed to be very similar to what U.G had to say but also some of the things he said seemed heavily influenced/ rooted in buddhism.

  20. Branko says:

    You seem to know so much about letting go Anon. Why can’t you let us poor unenlightened folk hang onto our fixations!
    Your the only one that sounds bitter and sour around here.
    Your turning into a real ‘vinegar tits.’

    • Anonymous says:

      Funny, they used to say the same thing about UG. I won’t bother you anymore since we have nothing to talk about anyway.

      • sharbra says:

        I love your crazy ass anyway. Even if you do think your the next u.g.
        I don’t want you to feel excluded.
        btw, looking at your ass in the mirror is not a yoga assana.

  21. Branko says:

    How can i use rhetoric when i don’t even know what that means?
    It’s very simple with me. You hurt my feelings, I squash your face.

  22. louisbrawley says:

    Hey! Hey! What’s this? Somebody else’s Artwork is better than mine?? Out! Get out! right now…

  23. Branko says:

    I don’t know Anon… You pull things out like we’re drowning and after salvation, etc.
    These are your words. You are equally obsessed with U.G. Probably more than anyone here.
    why else would you hover around? Are you a Cyber Spirit Entity? Do you even have an ass?
    The comment about Janet’s paintings is the first time you have ever said something personable.

    Our attraction/obsession will run it’s own course. It is not a volitional thing.

    What is the worst outcome of our having this attachment?
    I dont understand? What is it that is so bad about it?

    Louis! help me… It’s worthless.

    • Anonymous says:

      You are entitled to your interpretation of what I or anyone else says. It’s all happening in your brain just like the attachment to anything else. Like I said before, it’s just a reminder. What else did UG stand for? I’m reminded of some statements he made like ‘the courage to stand alone’, ‘mind is a myth’, and his ‘stance’ against authority figures, primarily, Jiddu. He constantly harped on not making him into an authority figure and an icon. Focusing on these things is not focusing on UG but on your own creations. When you get tired of one obsession/attraction, another will take its place. Feeling the truth of this helps tremendously on a certain level. The rest is grace or revelation or whatever you want to call it. He often called it luck.

      Louis can’t help himself so he’s not going to be able to help you, but I apologize about my comment on his art work. lol. It is what it is.

      • Anonymous says:


        These are your words from another post: “Yeah, well i am still miserable and living in division. No insight or clever intellectual understanding has helped me. U.g. has clearly stated “you are either free or not.” any other kind of awakening is useless (to me) as i am still in incredible amounts of pain. Not to deny the fact that we can lose some baggage and work through trauma, religious conversion, etc”.

        Sounds to me like you ARE drowning and looking for salvation. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Then you go on to say we can lose some baggage and work through trauma, etc. I wholeheartedly agree and one piece of baggage is obsession and attachment. Self is much more than our obsessions and attachments. It is possible to lose our obsessions and attachments but not lose the sense of Self which is a part of the body’s makeup as well as consciousness itself. I believe that this is the lightening of the load UG spoke about, not the Calamity or loss of Self which cannot be caused by any action or doing and literally transforms the body.

      • Yes. U.g. highlighted and exposed my misery to an incredible burning degree.
        I can’t use him to avoid that and it his job to press on that in a steady fashion.

        So, what is so bad about the attachment i want to know? i don’t care that he says to give up authority.

        What are the terrible consequences of the attachment/devotion/love?

        I want to know how this freedom from u.g. expresses itself in YOUR life?

        anybody can say what you are saying.
        this is your song… it’s has nothing to do with u.g.

      • louisbrawley says:

        Dont worry anon, you wouldn’t be the first person to ‘unlike’ my art. (That old man didn’t like it much either…)

      • Anonymous says:

        Louis, I found your writing style far more interesting than the other things I saw on your site. I’m not an art critic and maybe I’m wrong. Maybe all of it is crap. lol. (just kidding). Cheers.

    • louisbrawley says:

      Hey Branko,

      What is hopeless is to try and convince another person of your point of view, or argue about these points of view. I have gotten into more of these time wasting ‘dialogues’ than I care to admit. All I can do is stick to describing some things I witnessed, from my point of view, around UG. I have one friend who is always telling me to drop my attachments to UG and this and that. UG never told me to do it. He only spoke about what he did, he never advised anyone else to do it. On the contrary, he warned people NOT to do what he did. The advisory position is one of reaching out, and when you reach out you tend to lose your balance and fall over. If someone else wants to drop their obsession with UG I am happy for them. I will carry on doing what ever the fuck I want anyway, so why shouldn’t they?

      As you said… its worthless… to think about this stuff. Just carry on, like one of those British posters… You have better things to do. (I hope!)



  24. Branko says:

    Yeah, this page has been a great learning curve… I won’t stop commenting on your blog. I just won’t include anything personal anymore. Just thumbs up or something. I feel a great deal of care and affection towards you anon but we just go in circles. I feel as if i know you somehow.
    I feel like a genuine turd much of the time putting my words in the vicinity of louis’s writing.

    Be well.

    • Anonymous says:

      I think Louis made some good points in his reply to you. I’m very much aware of the fact that nothing I say is really going to make a difference in you, me, or anyone else. It’s just a response to your words. It’s not meant to be personal. But, somehow it has pressed a button in you, this point of attachment or obsession (you can choose).

      For myself, I don’t call it freedom from UG. The fascination with the man ended and the real inspection of my life began. It just hit me that all the teachers and teachings that I had come into contact with were standing in my way, so to speak. You might say he helped turned my attention away from him into myself in a very different way than I had known before. This is the lightening of the load in my case and I’m not putting myself up for comparison with anyone else. You asked and I told you. My concerns have become fewer and fewer. Many of my questions are either absent or can be answered simply and directly. None of my answers have any meaning aside from the questions associated with them. We always tend to compare, measure, and DEFINE. This is not the only way we can operate, but it is the way most of us operate usually. You only need to be concerned with you. Am I channeling Tega? lol. Or, maybe it’s Francis, Rupert, or the Shirelles.

      • Branko says:

        A Dissociative State isn’t any kind of freedom… your ten miles away from your body when you write all those words.

      • Anonymous says:

        I’m sure I’m 10 miles away from your body. Who’s talking about freedom? Maybe you’ll start cursing me like Louis does when he hears something he doesn’t like. You guys sound like angry kids. I guess UG banging Louis’ head on the table has had no effect. Probably a therapist would help him more. Not sure why you are so miserable, Branko. Is it my fault?

    • Cédric says:

      Anonymous > Just wanted to say something : I don’t see UG here, in this blog, not at all, I see Louis, Branko, you Anonymous, i see Cédric, etc. This blog is not about UG, this blog is about all the people that write in it, starting with Louis of course.

      And i like to come here, not so much for UG but for the people i meet here…

  25. louisbrawley says:

    now come on brethren, as Rodney the King said… “Can’t we all just get alone?”

  26. louisbrawley says:

    I gotta say, there is a certain tone that can be heard in certain people’s writing that smacks of spiritual pretense of the worst kind. It is usually the blather of a particularly bright and well defended spiritual twit. They usually talk like a fucking school teachers, twisting little condescending remarks cleverly into their ‘advice’ to others. Often I feel like saying. “Talk straight for fuck’s sake and speak for yourself you condescending motherfucker.” but I know they already think they are and they can’t… so I keep my mouth shut.

  27. louisbrawley says:

    (Just in case anyone didn’t think I was an asshole yet…)

  28. Cédric says:

    We all do, say and write what we can’t help doing, saying and writing. (and of course even here in this blog) and I have to say : I love what you do, say and write, Louis ! 🙂

  29. Philip says:

    So, here are some observations I have made over the years working as a forensic specialist in a max security facility dealing with the criminally insane, such as borderline’s, psychopaths, axis II, schizophrenics, you name it, we have them.
    Some of the behaviors that these inmates have engaged in the years that I have worked there, would horrify most normal people, but what I have observed is that even the most egregious and negative of these behaviors are firmly rooted in their sense of self, in other words all those behaviors and actions of the inmates go in some way to promote their sense of self in an often twisted and bizarre manner.
    We of course, do the same thing but usually in a much less extreme manner. It seems to me that everything that we do, see, hear or feel in our lives is run through the filter of the sense of self, which asks itself, (although of course we are mostly not aware of this) does this action, event, person, relationship, blog entry or reply to a blog entry go to increase my sense of self or does it take away from my sense of self?
    Not sure if any of this helps, basically just the ramblings of someone working the night shift with nothing better to do, Oops! I tell a lie, one of the inmates just smeared themselves and their cell all over with feces, time to don the protective gear and do some hosing down.
    Hmm, Perhaps if I told the inmate about my theory of the sense of self he would no longer engage in such destructive behavior, then again perhaps pigs might fly…Philip

  30. Branko says:

    Wow. maybe not always adding or subtracting but some kind of equilibrium needs to be maintained at all costs. It is terrifying to have even small shifts in the sense of self.
    so even what would be classified as an “illness” people have a hard time shifting or moving towards easing their condition.

    I can’t remove myself from this blog, no matter how much i try.
    it is a petty inflation i feel. but it keeps me going 🙂

    What an incredible Job Philip! seems even the most distorted personalities are still (extreme) variations of the same mechanisms we all have. we all have the same chemicals swishing around.

    To have a coffee with all the people on this blog! sadly that would be hard to arrange.

  31. Philip says:

    Ah! the stories I could tell you about my work, I would write a book about it but sadly I am a terrible writer.

    • Cédric says:

      Your self wrote that hoping someone tells you ” No Dear Philip, you write very nicely ! ” 😉

      • Branko says:

        Yep. You tell a good yarn.
        I will always remember that story now. Before i stick my nose in someone else’s business
        and think i am helping with my insight… i will hold the image of someone smearing shit all over themselves. Or better yet–my insight is just smearing my shit on them.
        i tend to get myself in big trouble this way.

        One tea for Cedric!

  32. Philip says:

    Thanks for the kind words Cedric my sense of self really appreciates it! but I really am a terrible writer it took me over an hour to compose just those few lines, writing gives me a headache 🙂

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