Home ?

I realised the other day that some people are still reading these blog posts.  I’ve been negligent about posting lately due to a sense of pointlessness and a fear of redundancy. I write every day as a habit, for myself and with the idea of presenting some of the things as a record of what I’ve survived in book form one of these days. Its also pretty clear that I don’t need a point. Despite appearances, no one has one, even if we’re convinced we do and imagine we see them everywhere. I can’t see any point in the news, but every day it is aired three times a day by major networks and constantly on CNN, Facebook, gmail, yahoo, google and countless other mind numbing informational injection sources we are bombarded by in the age of information. I can’t see the point of knowing that people somehow finally measured the proof of Einstein’s theory of relativity because they were finally able to hear the wave aftermath of two colliding black holes. Still that bit of news seems more relevant in some oblique and beautiful way than the Republican debates, which seem to occupy the other end of the spectrum of things, (if there is such a thing as value in the universe, which there also apparently isn’t).

Its now one year since I landed and stayed put in Brooklyn. I’ve been working on art and living in a complicated yet friendly building aptly named “Hotel”.  The residents are a rare mix of artists and writers (all younger than me), rare because its rare I get along with them all so easily. The place used to be an SRO (single room occupancy) and the structure of independent apartment like rooms with shared kitchen, toilets and laundry is unique these days. The neighbourhood real estate is a topic I refuse to address other than to say this way of living, for the marginally employed artists who live here, is lucky and will be short lived in all likelihood. This situation was another in a long series of lucky finds for me. For some reason its always been painless for me to find a spot to settle once I decide to come to New York.  I discovered this place on line while I was in India last February thinking it might be time for me to settle down for a little bit and see what that felt like. After a few years of living without a base the idea finding a way to get these “horrible paintings” I was making into the world was weighing on me.The listing was the only one I looked at and responded to once I had that idea. As it turns out, the place is run by someone I know. As soon as I got back and set eyes on it heard the price I knew it would be stupid not to take it. Three spacious, (albeit not too bright), rooms with very high ceilings and an elevated train right outside the front, (and only) windows rumbles past with unfortunate regularity, but I don’t care.  The crazy street energy and racket of Broadway filled with the a mix of young art types, and the remaining population of working class and drug addled patients from the hospital around the corner feels right. I was missing the chaos I seem to thrive on. Quiet places are alright but can be oppressive after you are alone in them long enough. You start turning in upon yourself under certain circumstances in the most idyllic places. I took the place with the understanding that I could leave at a months notice.

A year has passed, I’ve been lucky not to work too much for money while maintaining a regular studio practice during the year I’ve been here. It has been a blast,  like going from cooking on a Coleman camp stove to cooking in a real kitchen. The work is as far from finding a home in the art world as it was when I moved in, but at least I’m in the place where it could happen. My limited social habits being what they are, I am always on the verge of becoming a shut in. But that’s the case no matter where I go. At least here I can call someone and meet for a coffee within a few hours.  I am also surrounded by others at home, but not invasively so. The people in the building have been without exception, interesting and very easy to be around, and for the most part completely uninterested in the spiritual thing, (as far as I can tell). I have been immersed again into the life of an artist living in obscurity in the capital of that business. Even this neighbourhood, which was unknown to me ten years ago, is now a burgeoning scene.

For a decade I spent most of my time around people with little interest in art or what I was scribbling on those pieces of paper. UG repeatedly told me I was the worst painter he had ever or would ever meet and that no one would EVER, EVER buy that crap I was making. Well, I am still here and still carrying on with it.  What can I do if after 5 years of that abuse or advice, (not sure what it was), I still can’t stop. I’ve resigned myself to it. At some level I had to say Fuck it to the old geezer’s advice, however or whatever it meant. And sure enough, once again here I am filling up space with the inventions of an incessant creative habit. I am helpless. Dreams I once had to throwing it all into a dumpster, have been mitigated by the reality that when I go elsewhere on the planet with little but a suitcase in hand, I recreate the studio in whatever hotel room, temporarily occupied apartment, or rented house, whether in Germany, Spain, California or south India. Whether I am there for a few days, a week or a month I seem to need to do this thing.

He also said, “you better throw those bastards out… all of them… “,  including himself in this category, so even though its quite impossible to do, (nor is it perhaps really actually necessary), I continue to hold him in my orbit or vice versa, while going about this peculiar nonsense.
While making actual money in a support industry of the business of peddling art, it has become overwhelmingly obvious that we live within a culture that doesn’t really deserve to be called high or valuable. The civilisation it celebrates and the people who collect art continue to fuck our planet in every way imaginable. I have no choice but to participate in this mess while I watch it crumble. There is no way out of our situation. Its too late to turn back the clock. So far, every revolution seems to result in a new form of subtle lock down on human rights or ideology for the masses and for a lucky few of us, life gets better.

Almost every day I get on the M train to cross the East River into Manhattan. Its my favourite train because of the elevated views in any weather, at any time of day. From the bridge the water is sparkling no matter what time of day or kind of weather. The enormous miasma of Brooklyn passes by and up and over the Williamsburg bridge you go into the toy puzzle of Manhattan, layed out from the blocks of low income housing in the foreground as you descend into the island, to the glistening towers of the corporate scum in midtown. The spectacle of seething humanity and what we as a species have created, is mesmerising, horrible and beautiful to behold. On the train I’m surrounded by every imaginable ethnicity, cultural influence, mostly from the lower to middling economic representation of these groups. There are hoards of uniquely outfitted tattoos and fashion statements, anything goes, every sexual orientation is allowed, celebrated, brandished with abandon. Its refreshing and I’m happy to be here after running from it for so long. We are at a point were we exist within a rubric’s cube of misery and enchantment, the intricacies of which never cease to amaze me. None of these people are offering an escape I can engage in, but its fun to watch them. After the impact of UG my expectations of people and culture and the future of humanity have been effectively stripped of their purported ideal futures and meanings. Since the dust of a million contrails has settled there remains a set of eyes on this peculiar scenario we are immersed in. The wonder peaking through the wreckage goes on for the time being.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

45 Responses to Home ?

  1. Branks says:

    I would buy this guys book again..
    His writing is like a bomb peaking through the Fuselage.

  2. JB says:

    Can you hear my dog barking?

  3. U.Gee says:

    Yeah, it’s for sure a crazy, fucked-up trip we’re on. It’s a beautiful, horrific, meaningless cosmic joke. Pointlessness and redundancy are what keep the universe spinning, so you might as well keep writing, creating art or doing whatever the hell else brings you some semblance of happiness, however novel, banal, enduring or ephemeral it may be. Fuck U.G. and any other bastard who ever tells you otherwise. Fuck us all 🙂

  4. U.Gee says:

    Wake. Eat. Shit. Work. Sleep. Repeat.

  5. stop says:

    to U. Gee: but there in that pattern is also “speak” you didn’t write in. This “speak” is a parasitic one. Paradoxically it creates “work” in your pattern of activity. This “work” IS the menace of human race. It IS the shit.
    Other species are protected from this kind of work that comes out of speak. These two no doubt turn the whole thing into shit, for our species, for the planet and for all life here.
    Should by some miracle this speak stop-

    • Wow, I loved the ending of that (once I got it:)
      Anyway, I don’t think there is anything intrinsically wrong with ‘speak’. Without it we wouldn’t have Trump and IS, but also no bread or the music of Los Lobos, to name just two things that I’ve enjoyed today. Our speak can be of use to our bodies, as long as it is reminded who’s the servant in this arrangement every once in a while.
      As for our species, speak-induced ‘work’ indeed causes huge problems; I sometimes wish my speak would stop waking me up at night with useless worries about them. I recently read that 99% of the species that ever lived are now extinct, most of them in mass extinctions that seem to happen every x-million years. So if we don’t turn the thing into shit, something else will, sooner or later, and life will go on. As a father of some beloved offspring I didn’t find that a cheerful message, but in a way it helps keeping my speak from overestimating our impact as a species and my responsibilities as a person. As a result I find that I can occupy myself more freely with the things I find important or enjoyable.

  6. Mind Fever says:

    This was a nice read. You definitely know how to write. Hope you continue.

  7. Bitter Earth says:

    Man you’re a lucky guy, I’m super jealous.

    I set out on the spiritual path full of hope, eventually had a sort of awakening, realised I was a narcissist, fell through some sort of crack, my spirit went into some sort of mode where it started taking delight and glee in every sort of suffering (turned full psychopath) and all my chakras opened fully and burned out one by one. There is absolutely no way to turn it around, I’m fairly sure now I’m going to the pit of hell for god knows how long, I never even believed in that shit ’til this happened.

    I write this partly as a warning, be careful people, this spiritual shit can be extremely dangerous no joke.

    “Every morn and every night, some are born to sweet delight, others to the endless night”

  8. Philip says:

    So the other day I picked up Louis’s book “Goner”, intending to give it another read, I glanced at the photo of U.G on the first inside page and then took a really hard look at the photograph and suddenly realized that this photo said more about U.G than all the words ever written about him, I put the book back on the shelf.

  9. Michaela Neem says:

    Hello Louis, the last day I heard via you tube your Interview with Mr Archer “buddha at the gas bumb”.
    Unfortunately, I do not understand everything and 2013 there was no transcription. But the place where you put your face like a dog in folds (is so funny!) about all the speculations bat Mr Archers comments. (Nevertheless, I find many interviews good!). Probably the google translator misrepresents everything my comment…
    Jo mei! As the Bavarians say! I have to fight through your posts (language!) But I hope you write further here.
    You write: “UG repeatedly told me I was the worst painter.” EVER, EVER buy that crap I was making. ”
    If you enjoy painting, why do you give a chanter to his opinion? Do you? I fear, then you understand UG wrong.
    I am a so-called acim student. I am learning mainly by myself. I knew before UG and I was also infected 10 years before with Jiddu. Then came UG and I was shocked. Because much was so true as if he can read my thoghts. UG helped me understand the course of miracle and the course helped me to understand UG.
    I think, in comparison: the course is for molly coddles ;-). BUT: slowly you get to the goal: absolute guiltlessness. In the interview, you give some examples of UG’s practice of guiltlessness and freedom.
    But also UG did not really get rid of his identifications during his life. (If he really did not want people to visit him, there would have been ways and possibilities).
    But that is not necessary. We are not here for that ;-)…
    Greetings from Germany from the Albrecht Dürer town.

  10. Adi says:

    Louis, thanks for bringing this guy alive through your writings. I look forward to your next post !

  11. VC says:

    Hi Louis and UG-seropositive persons,
    I have something for you, something my fingers brought together a few days ago and I guess this is as yours as mine. Ok, I can’t at all tell you it will be worth your time, but if this comment is happening in your life right now, you might give it a fair shot along with everything else simultaneously happening (I’ve learned that).

    Well, this is waaay too long, but you deserve it, if you do.
    With love:

    🙂 🙂 🙂 Nothing-specialness (-: (-: (-:

    You have to distinguish within your code
    your programming
    what is the natural and the virus

    There is an error in the code
    The programmer comes inside the code
    “Lives” in the code in order to detect the error
    And eliminate it.
    The error replicates with the code
    And so all the replicas have to be identified
    And rendered harmless

    What does this say about the coder?
    Not perfect

    Some thoughts are virus
    Some thoughts are not
    Some are malware
    Some are not
    How can one person
    A person is some code
    How can one person
    Distinguish what is good and what is not
    The person has to allow
    The coder to come inside
    The person has to come alive
    Somehow create some space in the code
    For life to kick from within
    And change the code
    And influence code changing for other persons
    That is
    Permitting other persons to be accessed from within
    Opening them up.
    It is that simple
    Psychological pain (suffering) was introduced to
    Signal the error
    To invite people to create code gaps where life (programmer)
    Could introduce himself
    No error then
    The error is a mechanism
    For life (programmer)
    To finally introduce itself
    In the code
    Life is finally entering in its own creation
    In its own code
    It’s a rebirth right now
    It’s nothing special
    Nothing-specialness is its quality
    The way to identify it
    The programmer is nothing-specialness
    I am the programmer
    The programmer is in every piece of code
    It is hiding there, waiting for a way in
    When it comes it frees the code from the error
    But this is just the beginning
    The programmer is free inside the code now
    The error is not an error
    The error was a door in the code
    It’s very simple
    It is not all that complicated.
    It is now and in the past the same
    Time and time again
    Multiple cycles
    Multiple ways
    Multiples opportunities for life to kick in
    Life being the programmer
    The programmer being nothing-special
    That is the joke
    The programmer is nothing-special
    It is no wonder
    It is no bliss at all
    It is
    It is just the truth
    No additives
    No flavors
    The rest is malware
    Malware to create cracks in the code
    For life to kick in
    So not really malware
    After all
    That is also the joke
    If I say this to other code (people)
    How will the code perceive it?
    The malware will use this information and add to itself
    It will not necessarily crack open.
    The important is to let the code crack open
    Gently if possible
    Gently can be more persistent

    All I can say is that the malware is not in charge anymore
    More than that is difficult to say
    It happens at a nothing-special day
    At a nothing-special occasion
    By nothing-special means
    It is permanent
    The game starts
    Life starts
    Action starts
    No idea what it is
    At all
    I had some clues of all this before
    Hidden among the malware
    I let this through
    And identify it with my pain
    (Identified the malware with it)
    Pain is only normal
    Because malware is pervasive
    Which means only
    Life wants to kick in
    Come inside
    The programmer needs a door in
    The nothing-special guy
    That I am
    I the code and I the programmer
    I see all the past as crystal clear
    Even if I don’t know the past
    If I get to know it I will identify it
    It will be transparent
    All natural sciences as well
    If I bother to enter the language
    I will make them transparent
    Nothing that I can’t put in the right place
    Malware cannot manipulate it for me
    Malware cannot make it different from what it is
    It is what it is
    Malware is always making it what it is not
    The future is the place of real action
    Not the fake future
    The future after rebirth
    How funny

    I am the future spectator
    I can say it for the first time
    I am the future spectator
    It is nothing-special
    As I had anticipated
    But didn’t really understood
    For real
    The future spectator has come alive for me
    The future spectator is truth
    I know now
    It is truth
    The art-thing is nothing important
    The future spectator is no one important
    The already-there is fakery
    The future is when the future spectator kicks in
    The beginning of action
    The beginning of life
    Open field

    Nothing of the past can touch me
    Now the real unknown begins
    Now that I know what to make of the past
    How to shred it into pieces
    I shred the past into pieces
    I am no different from
    u g krishnamurti
    I am certain
    I have that certainty
    It’s here
    The only thing I can say is that
    It is nothing special
    It is what it is

    I was just watching a bit of ug krishnamurti
    I can assert for sure that he is just a dog barking
    What he says makes no sense
    Is an art-thing
    A special snippet of code
    To help detect malware and
    So to speak infect the malware
    Infect the infection
    But I can’t understand it
    There is nothing there to understand
    It is not at all a description of truth
    His talk is an action
    An infectious action
    An art-thing, once again
    Although I know he is speaking from truth
    What he says doesn’t enter me
    It is nothing
    Just sounds sounds sounds
    A virus

    For the first time
    I can hear him
    Without clinging to what he says
    Without grabbing it to learn something
    I just know it is absurd
    And I know it is just a game
    It is just a game
    An infection
    As Byron Katie said of him
    He is deadly
    In the sense that he wants to infect the infection
    He is producing malware for the malware

    True happiness what a misleading sentence
    True nothing-specialness is happy
    Nothing-special happiness is the truth
    That’s better phrased from here

    Everything around seems just too complicated
    Here it is simple
    Simpleminded, if you want
    All these people
    They have one choice
    Meaning their codes enable them to access a choice
    And it’s one and one only
    You (the code you call you) have to want to make a choice
    To make a choice
    I put it like:
    Stop suffering
    Start acting for real
    Some other people might phrase it differently
    True happiness
    Or true love
    These are too vague for me
    Nothing really changes
    Before and after
    Wether you choose or not
    It is a reprogramming
    You either do it or not
    That’s all
    Letting the programmer in
    To take the malware away
    For “you”
    Letting yourself be occupied
    Fully occupied by the programmer
    Which you sometimes glimpsed
    But mostly you’ve been identifying with the piece of code
    As if it is something special
    Or trying to unify the code with some idea of something really special and far beyond
    Which would be your idea of the programmer
    sad to inform that the programmer
    Is nothing-special as well
    What would you expect?
    Nothing-special code, nothing-special programmer
    Though naturally, it’s not very difficult to see
    That the code is a smaller nothing-specialness
    And the small has megalomania
    He wants to be the biggest in its smallness
    That is not available at all
    Instead of just simply growing
    To the bigger nothing-specialness
    That is there available
    That is it
    This is not even a metaphor
    It is what is
    From a perspective
    But it is not something for you to make into something very big
    Take it lightly and directly
    And flawed
    As everything really is.
    My job
    Is not to change other codes
    Meaning other people
    Or stuff
    It’s to let my code run free and happily
    Now that the malware is not infecting it
    Now that the malware cannot propagate through my code
    Letting my code run
    Is letting the programmer and the whole code run as well
    And it’s also making it possible for
    Infected code to realize what’s the malware on their code
    The malware is the same
    The codes not
    But as far as I know even the malware was programmed
    Which is super funny
    And makes one not be so
    Concerned with saving
    And healing
    Or what not

    This is the revelation as it formulates through this code I operate from
    Since every code is unique
    Revelation will operate totally differently in you
    The only thing I want to add is
    That revelation is very natural
    To you
    It is nothing-specialness to you
    It is not super-natural
    Fire works
    And so on
    It is something which your code
    Recognizes as itself
    Since a child
    The turning point is just
    When you start operating from there and
    Not from the malware
    It’s your call to find it out.

    • louisbrawley says:

      In case anyone is wondering why I don’t write on this site anymore, the occasional reply, such as above, is inspiration enough to keep me busy forever. and ever.. and ever… .. ever … ever ev… er

  12. Anonymous says:

    Well, he’s certainly saying a lot more than you are, Louis.

    • VC says:

      It’s actually a she (just for a tiny mind shift), and actually she likes kindness, she intended some sort of direct kindness, rather than…

      • Anonymous says:

        I enjoyed reading what you wrote. Maybe you could take over for Louis as this site could use a woman’s touch. 🙂

      • VC says:

        Well, thanks but no thanks, I take my own place, not Louis’. I might meet someone from there, and we have a laugh, or not. I enjoy my place, either way, cause it’s absolutely mine. What a loser would I be to leave the one and only thing I can call my own? Ah. Not saying that Louis’ blog doesn’t need some new pillows and curtains though.

  13. VC says:

    Dear Anonymous and Louis and others, I still have one more thing to share. Again, something my fingers did, not me. The “me” is out there trying hard not to boot from the malware, trying hard not to believe in the echo, and always learning something if only paying attention (thank you, anonymous, I finally got it, but unfortunately you had to have a taste of my smart-ass malware for that. 🙂 )
    I don’t want to give you anything that I call mine, so I leave you with this, that isn’t mine at all:

    There is a place
    Where nothing can be said
    No more echo echo echo echo
    Why do you need an echo
    If you can have the sound
    The vibration
    The echo has to go
    It will
    Because it will be rendered
    Totally obsolete
    Silence is not to fear
    Like in everything else
    Fear does not play a role
    This silence is like dancing
    There will be rhythm
    Plenty of it
    But no echo
    No repetition
    Why the copy
    The carbon copy
    The photocopy
    If you can have the real deal
    The thing just doing its thing
    Not the monkey repeating
    Over and over and over
    Always late
    Always just a shadow
    No light no vibration
    Just a fucking mirror
    Who needs a mirror
    When you have a body
    Why do you believe in the echo?
    Why is the echo
    So reputable?
    That is beyond comprehension
    How could you believe that it is the echo giving orders
    When so naturally orders are giving themselves
    And then
    With delay the echo repeats
    The arrogant prick
    The arrogant prick
    It is laughable
    It is a scam
    And we’ve all fallen for it
    We the gullible people
    Words come out of our mouths and
    The echo pretends to be the source
    Actions come out of the bodies
    The echo is making itself so proud
    And you buy it
    Every time
    And forget to live
    The things that are being lived
    And you are there just waiting for the next echo
    The echo that is always late for the
    Real party
    The real party
    Always unannounced
    You have an invitation
    It’s in your pocket the whole time
    Why do you wait for the
    Facebook photos the day after
    To put on the dance shoes?
    Cleaning the party leftovers
    It is just not it

    The things you are saying
    Are made out of fire works in your mouth
    The actions you take are made of
    Jumping frogs in your body
    (The actions you take
    Not make
    Take them
    They’re gifts
    For your enjoyment
    Enjoy acting)
    What about the ideas?
    They’re fire works
    Looking for frogs
    And frogs looking for fire works
    They’re meetings of
    They’re new-borns
    Explosive frog
    Fiery jumps
    And so on
    Never the same
    Always renewed by the pleasure
    Of sexual encounters
    Between the different.

    It is just too clear
    Too evident
    That fire works should not be seen through a mirror
    Jumping frogs should not
    Be appreciated
    In sculpted stone
    It’s a matter of growing up
    Growing tired of
    Short days with little vibration
    Days of mirrors and sculptures
    Days will keep on repeating again and again
    Until you break the mirrors
    And break the sculptures
    Turn off the echo
    And say your first words
    And take your first actions
    All this with no ceremony
    You don’t need to celebrate a party
    The party celebrates itself

    One day is now one year
    One year was before one day
    Evolution accelerates in vacuum
    And makes the space dilate
    To accommodate the

  14. Adi says:

    Thanks VC, your fingers are capable of something quite compelling 🙂

    Hey Louis – there’s something been nagging me about this whole thing. I hope you will bear with me and tell us if UG addressed a similar concern during your travels with him.

    What if he’s wrong? What if all his efforts had some role to play in his attainment ? Since he always says ‘he could never know’, how could he be so sure about the acausality itself ?

    What if spiritual nihilism is more damaging than doing sadhana ?

    Can it be that all those 100s or 1000s of folks who preached some sort of spiritual practice wrong or lying? Irrespective of whether or not they charged any money, I don’t know of anyone who preached utter pointlessness of any efforts in this direction. Going by statistics, there is a clear correlation between people who “attained” and did some sort of spiritual practice. Assume for a moment what UG says was true for him, however given the fact that all this is so subjective, is it safe to assume sadhana is pointless for everyone ??

    I ask because the guy has stopped me right in my tracks. After years of sadhana, I thought I was going somewhere, and then UG happened :-/ Fuck spirituality. I want to get back into the matrix…

  15. louisbrawley says:

    Excellent question! This is the thing, UG was the first one to say “I cant help you” so if you find out for yourself what the validity of what he was saying is, then you don’t need to wonder. That’s all we’re left with anyway. Asking someone else leaves you to pose that question over and over. The only thing to do is find out for yourself. Maybe he was the biggest crook and fool of them all.. what difference does it make right? It doesn’t help me what someone else has or did or says. Its what I do with that that counts. ( … and the matrix? you wanna hang with Keanu is it? Guess I can’t blame you, he’s a cool looking dude.. )

    • VC says:

      Jesus, Keanu is hooot. rrrrr 😀

    • Adi says:

      Yes, I appreciate what you are saying.

      The trouble for me personally is that this “teaching” of “there’s nothing I can do, and nobody else can help me” translates to spiritual nihilism. Implementing this in day to day life is impossible given the compelling need for some activity. UG would probably dismiss any sort of spiritual activity, and say something like ‘Go earn money. Forget this spirituality business’ (I remember a ‘swan song’ for UG video where you read out something similar 🙂 ). I feel going back to the “normal” materialistic life (with the usual job and family and the works) is not only meaningless, but impossible if you have had some sort of spiritual awakening or experience (at least this is true in my case)

      So the question is – what is one to do with oneself ?

      The matrix – I like Keanu, loved the movie. Was just imagining what life would’ve been like if I hadn’t gotten at all into this spirituality business – something like getting re-plugged back into the matrix 😀

      • VC says:

        I feel very compelled to answer you, and, worst, in a very opinionated fashion, and, even worst, without having been asked. 🙂
        If you see “spirituality” and “matrix” as 2 different things, then I think you are fooling yourself into believing you saw something.
        There is a lot you can do and a lot you can learn from others, how do I know this? Look, that is what you are doing all the time. It is happening right now.
        But, on the other hand, happenings are not really done by you, neither by others. So, it is true after all, there is nothing you can do nor get from others. This is not a mind-teaser or something, a nihilistic thought or a crazy paradox, it is just a way for you to notice that the “happening” is all that matters.

        So, I’d say, start (and do not go far) from what is “happening” in your life right now, and it helps to have an uncomplicated life, not a super ego-magnetic spiritual life, in a simple ordinary life it is easier to notice, what is happening, and easier to reconcile with all that has happened, other people, events, readings, experiences, but especially yourself, reconcile with yourself until the future that you so much want– the future where”I can see clearly now..”– just happens, naturally. Keep yearning but yearn for what is real, not fiction.
        Your life is the key, life itself is giving you all, not you nor the others, life is giving, it is called “happening”. If you want it, take it.

      • Anonymous says:

        What sort of spiritual awakening or experience did you have? Is it something that is present right now? or just a memory of an experience? Fixation on any experience is going to cause some problems. If what you experienced is not present now, just let it go. When you don’t hold on to experiences , which just come and go, along with all your thoughts and emotions which also just come and go, you will find that your basic state of being is there, no matter what is happening. This basic state of being is not fixed. It is present and not affected by your experiences. It is nothing you can point to or fixate on. It just is.

        In light of this basic state of being, your view of yourself and the world changes. Experiences no longer define you and don’t present emotional problems for you to solve. There is a simplicity of living and the whole whirlwind of mind relaxes. Then, statements like UG’s can makes sense about effortlessness and looking to others for answers to questions. Establishing your basic sense of being, is essential.

      • VC says:

        Anonymous, what you say speaks so true to my heart, and really helps me at this very moment. Thank you!

      • Adi says:

        Thanks very much for your thoughts. Feels good to meet folks who understand…

        Anonymous – It was a chance meeting with a stranger about 2 years ago (who is now a friend). Upto that point, I was doing yoga/meditation pretty mechanically for a few years just to cope with stresses of day to day life. After the meeting though, the mind would spontaneously “vanish” during meditation and the insight “I do not exist” just hit. I knew nothing about spirituality (nor was I interested) and I had not experienced anything like it upto that point. There’s been no looking back since then – devouring of spiritual books and looking up stuff on the internet to satisfy a seemingly unquenchable thirst to understand. Unquenchable until I came across UG! 😀

        Coming to your point on spiritual experiences – I agree that they are transient and thus of limited value. In my case, the experience deepened my understanding of my “self” and how the mind works. There is a distancing from thoughts and emotions, which have lost their power over me to a great extent. During meditation, I still have outbursts of energy alternating with waves of “peaceful throbbing energy”, however as you say, I have realised not to attach importance to this. Life after all is what happens between meditations 🙂

        VC – Integrating spiritual and normal life is something I’m struggling with right now. Maybe its because of the abruptness with which things took a turn. I understand intellectually that they are no different. I think the spiritual ego is a dangerous animal to deal with…guess things get revealed eventually


  16. louisbrawley says:

    Adi I appreciate your comments. It was somewhat confusing, this apparent negativity around UG but helped to have a background in JK when I met UG. It took some time to realise that JK had updated the school of Advaita Vedanta, which is about proceeding with the sceptic approach if I could put it that way. There was a kind of backhanded and yet very deliberate challenge to those around them to stand on their own. JK spoke of no authority, UG was constantly trying to undermine his own authority so that it didn’t become a burden to those around him. He used to rail against Ramana Maharshi, whom I’d never heard of, and who I now read frequently. He advised a Bengali friend to read the Ramakrishna Gospel in the original “so that you can read for yourself all those filthy words he used!” which turned out to be very helpful to that guy. This kind of thing was so particular, so case by case, the way he interacted with people that to describe a method would be misleading. I continue to meditate, I now read Maharshi when I feel like it, listen to UG tapes, listen on occasion to JK talks.. whatever I feel like I need at that moment. I don’t think its something one just walks away from and certainly UG never let go of this search until it was done. A friend, (the same Bengali friend, Sabyasachi Guha, who now has his own website… by the way ) explained to me in conversation the other day that the word Guru in Sanskrit breaks down as
    Gu- meaning inner mystery in each of us.
    Ru – a kind of spotlight on that mystery.
    He then pointed out that Samskara is the thought based reality/confusion which covers up this inner mystery.
    I appreciated the simplicity of this explanation as it rang true to things like leaving the mystery alone and letting it operate in its own way, which UG constantly hinted at. We are so eager to do things that this eagerness needs to wear itself out. If one begins to trust the body, this mysterious order we cannot conceive or understand may begin to operate more fully. I’ve found this to be true. Its not something for public consumption. Its not something to instruct people about. It seems to be about trusting your own mystery… well now I’ve gone on quite a bit here. Hope it doesn’t muddy the waters.

    • Adi says:

      Beautifully explained! Trusting to let things unravel by themselves is hard, in a world where we’ve been taught to achieve and conquer from the get go. Its becoming increasingly clear however that thats the only way…

      Even though a lot of what he says is confusing, I’m so thankful to have come across UG Its like a great weight being lifted off your back…(btw, I’m a JK freak as well :-D).

      I had a question – What was his outlook on the aspect of human creativity, and the urge to create something ? UG was definitely an exception in the sense he didn’t seem to have any urge to change or do or contribute in any “tangible” way, but as I understand it, several enlightened beings have done a lot of visible work to help humanity or “contribute” in some tangible way – not necessarily in the form of spiritual organizations, but probably socially or economically as well.

  17. Liz Butler says:


    Wondering if you are my old pal from High School. Did you live in St. Davids Pa and go to Radnor? If not, sorry to be a pain. If this is you I need to be in touch. Have a painting your Dad did for my Dad. Plus would love to connect.


    Liz Butler

  18. Curious Capricon says:

    Hi Louis!

    Have read your book. Really enjoyed it!

    I always feel looking at UG that he neverdid any kind of transmission i.e. give his energy to some one else.

    On a non verbal level, how did it feel to be in his presence?

    • louisbrawley says:

      He hid behind a lot of foul language and repetitive rants sos it was like you didn’t notice when you were in the room, but when you stepped out it was like leaving the AC room and walking outside on a very hot day. Sitting next to him, while he hollered at people I saw a peacefulness in their faces like I have not otherwise seen. No matter how he raged, he grounded the situation when he was around. He was also perfectly capable of creating mayhem for long periods of time and making people run here and there like chickens with heads missing.

  19. Cyberfury says:

    The interesting thing here is how his mind seems focused on ‘the futility of it all’ while all I see is how his senses are operating exactly as nature intended as he so elequintly describes the beautiful patterns of ‘comings and goings’ and the world around him. I hope you are doing well Louis. Rock on.

  20. louisbrawley says:

    Hi Cyberfury, yes, that’s well put. I was watching something yesterday where he was saying he never thinks of himself as different from anybody until they start asking him questions. That seemed to engage his thinking, but in a way that I always think was somehow invisible to me. I don’t know how else to put that. I thought, ‘how strange, he was just like me, but slightly different at the same time…’ I always trusted him because he really behaved as if this were the case. He ate with us, drove around in cars with us, at times crashed in the same car and was non-plussed about it. He argued with us and chatted amiably with us, at the same time there was a really interesting flavor? dimension?, what word to use? about his mode of behavior. He was always nonchalant, always relaxed, even while ranting.. Anyway I’m repeating myself again. Thanks and I hope you are well too!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s